A Bittersweet Reunion

This is just something I needed to write down. It’s not poetic or pretty, just a story.

I get a call from my friend
Saying she is alone at the bar
Her slurred speech and laughter
Indicating that she has been drinking
“Come hang out with me!”
And so I do
Entering the bar and going to the back patio
I stumble upon a sight
That makes me feel queasy
And like I need to go for a long run
I haven’t talked to him in a month
And here he is
Drunker than I’ve seen him in ages
I no longer care about my friend that I came to see
“Hello”
A familiar voice
Deep and raspy from the cold
His eyes are dead
Looking right through me
The smell of whiskey on his breath
Apparently he had been kicked out of the bar
At 6pm
Because he can barely walk or speak
What a mess
I cannot describe the sadness I feel
As I walk him to a bench
His weight completely leaning on me
Muttering things that don’t make sense
I wrack my brain for someone I can call
My voice sounding unnatural and high pitched
As I dial my close friend
We wait
Making small talk
I help him into her car
He falls over immediately
All of this is just embarrassing
This is the man that I love
To see him this way again
After being better for so long
Stings like hand sanitizer in a wound
But it’s bittersweet
Because I am so happy to be in his presence
It’s all I’ve wanted
I try to help him down the stairs
Of his cozy older home
But he shrugs me off
Like he can take care of himself
And flops onto the couch
Slouches over
I force him to eat some food
We talk for a long time
About nothing and everything
And laugh
Listening to music
I feel at home
“Marina, you’ve been my best friend for a very long time”
Tears come to my eyes
And it makes me feel warm inside
For I had thought he hated me
And we lay on the couch
Taking off our pants to get comfy
Turn on The Land Before Time
Reminiscing on our childhood
Intertwining our legs
I have never been more comfortable and happy in my life
Not seeing him
Is like having an unbearable itch
That I can never scratch
I missed him
And now we are laughing together
Crying together
My finger tips are running up and down his leg slowly
Sleepily playing with the hairs they meet along the way
I wake up about an hour later
To him snoring
His face pained instead of peaceful
Make my way to his bed to actually sleep
The next morning I jolt awake
To the sound of him vomiting
As usual
The smell permeates the basement
I hate seeing him sick all day
My sadness returns
Maybe it never left
Looking at the ceiling
I wonder if he will ever get help
Or if he will always be this way
Fumbling through life
Drinking enough to kill a large farm animal
Too gone to love me
I’ve seen his best and his worst
I love all of him
No one makes me feel the way he can
But I want better for him
We have had so much fun just doing normal things
And not wasting our lives in a god damn bar
It breaks me into a million pieces
To see him killing himself
Day after day
Getting better
Only to return to the same point again
Alcoholism is terrifying
And it’s worse that I can’t help
After everything we’ve been through
I can’t bury my best friend
Before he’s 30