Come Back

A Poem by Marinabeana

I’m starting to get into a pattern
Of drinking hard liquor again
Every single night
To try and forget you
But instead
It just brings rich memories
To the surface
I wade through them
Thick like the gelatin I’m stuck in
Picturing your face
The way you’d look at me
Throwing your head back with laughter
Hours of our sweaty bodies meshing together
All of our conversations
They burn like candle wax
But I keep dipping my fingers back in
Time after time
Getting up every day
Aching and trembling
Stepping into the shower
Just to stand
And let the warm water run over
My body
My face
My greasy hair
Cover my open mouth
So that no one can hear
The wracking sobs or sharp breaths
That escape my chest
Go through my day on auto pilot
Sleep again
Just to wake up every few hours
To dreams of you
Breaking my heart
I’m trying to get up and participate
See my friends
Because I don’t want to get bad again
But I can’t take losing you
My best friend
No one will ever add up
To how I feel about you
I won’t ever stop missing
Your childish humor
The light in your bright green eyes
The way you made me feel
I choke on cigarette smoke
Come back