Things I Can’t Handle

There are many things I am handling well
I can deal with being behind on bills
Or living in this house full of noisy people
I only sweat a little bit when I think about
How I’m behind in life
Or haven’t gone to school
I put up with having a less than glamorous job
Or having a car that’s falling apart
But I cannot handle
Seeing you with her
Knowing she is touching all the parts of you
That I have touched
Kissing your mouth
Smelling your hair
Cuddling up close enough
To see the gleam in your eye
I wonder if you laugh with her
Like you laugh with me
Look at her
Like you look at me
If you tell her
All the bad things
Or just the sugar-coated half of you
Does she make you feel better when you are sad?
My hands are shaking
And I feel as if I’ve been punched in the gut
Your words come out of your mouth
In slow motion
Like small and sharp knives
Leaving my eyes running like faucets
You’re the only person that can make me cry
Now that I am finally understanding
That you don’t want me
I cannot see any of this
Just the thought
Is breaking my heart
And I can’t bear the silence
All of my memories flooding back
I want to spend my life with you
What now?