Alone

I have chosen to be alone lately
Because everyone is draining me
And I can’t explain to everyone
That I don’t have the energy
For their petty complaints
And condescending viewpoints
I don’t know how to be by myself
But I’m learning
Slowly taking everything in
Starting to be okay with the silence
With my own company
My own thoughts
But it doesn’t mean that I’m not lonely
I crave someone who understands me
Someone to love me and let me love them
I think you could be that person to me
With some time and patience
If you let yourself work through the fear
Of getting close
And feeling vulnerable
I’m working on that too
I just know it is not my loneliness
That draws me to you
It is your beautifully sincere eyes
How you look down when you smile
Your sudden rupturing laugh
The innocence of you
Wanting to hold my hand
The way you keep me wondering
What you’re thinking
All the time
You’re not draining
Like everyone else
I don’t mind if you’re fucked up
Because I am too
And keep wondering
If you’re gonna stick around this time
Or if you feel uncomfortable
And want to jump ship
Leaving me to deal with the coldness
Questions in my head
Wine bottle in my hand
And tears welling in my eyes
Alone