Run-On Sentences

I have dreaded taking a shower because that would mean that my one meaningful task of the day is done, and then I would have to do something else. I didn’t have the energy for that. When healthy people get out of the shower, they feel refreshed. I know that feeling, but I could not feel anything but disgusting after mine. I have wanted to wear makeup to cover my ugly face, only to find it was a pointless endeavor because I couldn’t keep my eyes dry for more than 15 minutes. I’ve gone to Walmart, without makeup, feeling so small and thinking that everyone and their mother is staring at me. All eyes on me. I’ve begun hyperventilating and turning pale at a store, thinking I was dying, everything spinning. I’ve worn dirty clothes for a week at a time because I cannot bear to get out of bed and stop watching That 70s Show for even five minutes without having a panic attack and sobbing because my mind had the chance to wander just a bit farther. I have tried to sleep desperately, my only escape; only to find I cannot. Once I do fall asleep, it’s never long enough, I don’t want to get up. I’ve felt betrayed by my brain, wishing it would just stop, wishing everything would just stop. And it all hurts worse when I see my loved ones suffering in the same way, because there is nothing I fear more than those feelings. I can barely stand to think that they feel terrible and I know there is nothing I can do.