Auditory Failure

just experimenting, free style, free flow, free everything

Come on up on the stage.

You, yes, you - no need to point at yourself

Come here

thaaat's good!

Now take a bow,

no - not to me

silly

to the audience.

What do you mean they are dead?! 

Don't you see their open mouths gaping and smiling? 

And their protruding eyes staring at you? 

Right, so bow to them. 

Don't bow too low

your face will fall off

Idiot! 

What did I tell ya?! You never listen!

Okay, you can start speaking now. 

Oh but mind you,

they can't really hear you

No. No - it's not because they are dead,

it's because their auditory system has been removed from their brains

No - I didn't do that, 

are you serious?! 

Look at how many of them there are!

Ju-Just start speaking, okay?

Jeez! 

That'll teach you,

to not always expect someone to be able to listen to you.  

Did you finish already?!
Well, come here then

I have a treat for ya

It won't hurt, just show me your left ear first,

okay - good

now your right

and we're done.

I said we're done! 

WE ARE DONE! 

Go and-

GO AND SIT SOMEWHERE 

JUST GO! 

Okay good.

Next! 

Come on up on the stage...

Reviews

[Vria P Crow]

FIRST IMPRESSIONS

The title made me think of the line: "Hear no evil, see no evil."

CONTENT AND FORMAT

I envision the speaker to be a puppet, thinking they are human. Dark Cabaret music would be fitting for its dark theatrics; I think of this as purgatory given everyone is dead. Caledonia already beat me to the punch where I also came to the conclusion that the stage is for "judgement." I admire the satirical approach to death; a demented carnival experience. It is a unique and clever way of depicting death. The speaker is descending into madness throughout the journey. This makes me wonder where they go after someone screams, "Next!" The emphasis on "auditory failure" intrigues me. Why is this particular sense omitted? I can infer from the content it is simply because it does not matter what the person says for words are meaningless. Our actions is what comes under scrutiny for words tend to lie or remain complacent.

In contrast, "auditory failure" can also be an extended metaphor for being trapped in our own heads; a trip to insanity. After all, what is hell but a manifestation of our fears? I would like to think that everyone's hell and heaven are different. For instance, some are terrified of snakes. I, however adore them so it would not exactly be hell for me.

CLOSING THOUGHTS

Overall, I consider this one of my favorites. The format is used effectively, and it does not come across as experimental. I highly suggest watching "Devil's Carnival" which is a musical about death, featuring Emilie Autumn who is a theatrical singer who I adore. Thank you for sharing this wonderful poem!

sincerely,
ria

[Marina]

Thank you for taking the time to write such a thorough and analytical review.
Funny as it may sound, I was listening to dark cabaret music, while I was writing this piece :D
I find that this genre can be quite inspiring at times. I chose to portray a malfunction of the auditory sense, because as you said yourself, I wanted to depict how our words and feelings are constantly being trampled under by the people surrounding us, and in the end, we become just like them in order to shield ourselves from the misery of not being heard.
Loved your thoughts and thank you again, it was such a delight to read this!

[Marina]

Also, Emilie Autumn is quite awesome, I will definitely check the musical you suggested!

[Vria P Crow]

Eee. I just squealed! I was listening to dark cabaret music while reviewing your poem and it is still on. You just gained a new virtual reality friend because of this. :P You are quite welcome. I am pleased you liked it.

Emilie Autumn is wonderful. It might be hard to find the movie because they took it off of Netflix. :( If you can find through Amazon or somewhere, you will not regret it. If I find it, I will send you the link via private message. Oh my! Emilie Autumn's "Girls, Girls, Girls" came on. If you know it, you will know how fitting it is.

[Marina]

ahaha and I literally just put a dark cabaret playlist on youtube :'D
this is getting fun!

Thanks, I will try to find it anyway, but if you find it first it shall be more than welcome! :D
Yeees I know the song, "To see our girls, crazy girls, if you're willing to be thrilled, this is a hell of a ride"! :D

[Vria P Crow]

HAHA We are probably listening to the same one! :P "Girls, crazy girls! They're hot! They're nuts! They're suicidal! :D" Thank you for making me smile and laugh. It worked better than coffee.

[Marina]

My pleasure! :D
Also if you feel like reading something with similar vibes, check out my short story 'A Conversation'.
(i hope this doesn't come off as showing off, I just got a bit excited xD)

[Vria P Crow]

HAHA Not at all. I am shameless anymore when I allude to my own work. Everyone has their own taste and if you a diverse writer like me, you figure out what others tastes are. I will be sure to check it out. :D My element is poetry so it is good for me to read prose. It helps the Writer and Reviewer.

Since you offered a Read Request, I shall take this opportunity to see what might interest you. I suggest reading my short story, "picture/house." It requires a lot of work for grammar since it almost reads like prose poetry. I would be forever grateful if you offered your thoughts on the content. Grammar tips are optional. Thank you!

[Marina]

That's great, can't wait for your thoughts on it, it's one of my favourites.
I will add it to my reading list right away and read it first thing tomorrow!
Thanks :D

[Vria P Crow]

Oh wow! I adore "Conversation." I have been writing a Review on it for awhile while multitasking with comments. You will probably receive the Review within the hour. Thank you for the Read Request! Also that is great that you are waiting to read till tomorrow. It is my goal tonight to revise and edit it since my grammar is poor. Thank you!

[Marina]

Glad to hear it!
I won't be home, cause I'm leaving now but it shall be my treat for later haha :D

[Vria P Crow]

Not a problem! There is a life outside virtual reality in the cafe so I bid thee a great day! I just finished the Review.

[Lorry]

Has a feel of us all being puppets on the stage, in full view of the audience, we are dissected and pointed at, judged. in an unforgiving world, who would or could pass this test? We all must face that spotlight at some point, I just hope I'm not next. I'll just hide in the corner and hope I seep through the wallpaper to escape. Like how this just truly opens and expands from and into itself, perhaps a bit like the person on stage being judged?

[Marina]

I would do exactly the same as you, try to go unnoticed in an all-seeing world. Sometimes I think that being "off the grid" is the wisest thing one can do in this modern madness :D

[Lorry]

Yep, run to the caves now :)

[Paul Bell]

My ears are open, i'm definitely listening.
Whatever it was, i didn't do it.
Ok, next liar up.
Like it.

[Marina]

Thank you Paul :D

[Bala Gorthi]

A nice write.
A different thought in unorthodox presentation. But I loved it . Should it be too low in place of to low (line13). The flow is smooth.
And in this poem we see some concern about the things are going around. We don't use the all abilities gifted by God. We are lost some where. All we need is a little more openness and understanding and more attention to the other being.
I thoroughly enjoyed this write.
Thanks for sharing. Keep writing.:-):-)

[Marina]

Thanks for the correction! Typing fast has its dark sides I guess :')
Could you elaborate more on your observation?
The one thing that I had in mind when writing this particular piece is the fact that people today seem to be unable to hear someone else's problems, thoughts or feelings. Everybody is too self-consumed, so you also end up becoming like them, in a way to protect yourself from this hurtful behavior. So it becomes a vicious cycle.

[Bala Gorthi]

I have also used the edit feature many times.
Sometimes we misread. I have modified my sentence to make observation relevant to your poem

[Marina]

Thank you again! :)