Me an individual - a bit of childhood

About me as a person

I feel like I was born different in some ways,not physically,but mentally,even spiritually.  I was very withdrawn as a child from what I can remember,always quiet and couldn't communicate that well.  I have never been diagnosed with any sort of disability as such,but didn't always participate,or even want to participate in any activities in school.  When I was younger I was never allowed out to play with friends as such because my gran thought it was for my own good and protection.  Although I think it actually made me worse growing up in trying to meet knew people and communicating.  Even when distant family came to visit it was very difficult.  I would just shy away and play with my toys,which to me I thought this was the norm.  My toys were a comfort in some way as though a distraction from something which I couldn't quite understand.  I would sit and watch cartoons which was a god send to me as I was fixed on them,even to the late age of twelve.  I understood them and knew they weren't completely real to some extent.  But they provided me with a hugging comfort, which I could somehow physically feel,like someone was hugging me.  I remember looking out the window for long periods at a time just wishing to be out there,but that felt too far away for my capacity.  I loved my farm animals as my toys.  I would separate the cows and sheep and other animals from the horses,oh how I love my horses.  I seemed to develope an unexplained love for these amazing animals from these toys.  I had never in my life been around a horse until a later age.  Baring in mind I was only around 4 when I started to play with these little farm animals.  I was always playing on my own with these toys.  I was only ever allowed to the shops with my elders and school and that was it up till I got older.  I led quite a sheltered life and have saw things as a child that no child should see,not as young as I was.  I am a affected today with an ongoing anxiety disorder that is now controlled by medication.  Whether my up bringing has to do partly the way I am today, I am not entirely sure. But I have had to develop a forgiveness for things that have happened beyond my control. I think I have grown into a certain individual that I find hard to explain. I suppose I will never know what has influenced me to be who I am today, maybe one day I will find out.

Author's Note

Life experience