Straight White Men Upset Over Things Not Always Being About Them

Spoof news article

The meninist movement has brought forth some very startling news and has come up with a way to combat this news… Shockingly not everything is about white men. Bringing up faults in such movements as feminism, blackout, gay pride, and trans day of visibility.


Quite frankly the amount of ignorance in these injustices is horrifying. For centuries we have only focused on white men, and change is scary and should be avoided. If we do not make things centered toward straight white men, then how will these movements even accomplish their goals? We all know the only way to get things done is to present it and get the support of straight white men.


Not to mention that this lack of representation is appalling and offensive. If straight white men are not always portrayed in the media, then how will the world learn to respect them and their way of being? How will other young straight white men know its okay to be straight, white, and men? It should also be pointed out that straight white men have almost no representation in history. Formerly straight white historical figures are now race washed or gay washed. For example once famous straight white man Abraham Lincoln is theorized to be gay. Along with Leonardo Da Vinci. And the most horrifying, Hitler being accused of being a Jew.


So how do we fight this lack of respect and representation in order to make our children know its okay to be a straight white male? This is where the meninist movement mention shines. Bringing forth issues that concern straight white men, such as women refusing to be their slaves, women not having the perfect body, being mistaken as homo when really you’re no homo, the work being put forth toward creating the perfect mixture of swag and class, drop in fedora sales, lack of knowing what a breast feels like, and the small amount of people supporting the “All Lives Matter Movement”. If we constantly turn these issues back to how they affect straight white men then maybe we can end this oppression.


The amount of backlash this movement is receiving is the most disgusting aspect of this situation. Men are being told they should accept women, gays, people of other races, and other groups. “The other day I was talking to this girl online, she had blonde hair,” says blonde aficionado who chose to remain anonymous for fear of attack, therefore we will refer to him as Chad Mannington, “But when I met her in real life, or irl, she had brown hair. I have never felt so offended, I need meninism because my rights to the truth are being infringed upon by women.”


Your turn America to make a change for the straight white men of America.

Author's Note

Some of the movements got changed to moments.

Reviews

[Chris]

Historical perspectives seem to add such grand subjective visions to the mix - don't they? Perhaps the best satire has opinions others can grasp at.