Not a traditional birth story.

My journey to becoming a mother.

This will not be a traditional birth story, but it is mine.

 

 

 

We get the call in the dead of night that our birth mother is in labor and it is time to go to the hospital.  My husband and I look at each other in nervous excitement.  Could this be it?  Is our journey to become a family finally over?  A path that should have been so normal and natural, had instead been warped. 

 

Having a baby had become almost an obsession.  Going through infertility and failing is the same thing as mourning.  You cry over the children you will never have.  You lament when people ask you when you plan to have a family.  Every cute and happy baby shower invitation you receive is shredded and discarded.  You become bitter and envious, a person so far removed from where you started that you can no longer recognize her.

 

Then you decide to adopt.  The process is arduous.  You get finger printed, have your home inspected, get physically evaluated, get mentally evaluated, write essays on why you should be parents, talk with social workers on how you plan to parent, and wait and wait.  Why is it that a crack w***e can have a baby and I get the full cavity search?

 

All that falls to the past, tonight we will have our baby.  Unless of course she changes her mind.  OH GOD - she might change her mind!

 

I enter the room.  My husband has to wait behind.  A very scared teenage girl looks at me with wide eyes.  We were strangers not more than a few months ago and now I will be the one to share this most intimate moment with her.  As I coach her through it, feed her ice chips, murmur words of encouragement, smile to show her she is doing great, I am a ball of fear.  Is this really it?  Is this really happening?  Will the years and strain of wanting a child finally be over?  Or will this again be a day ripe with bitter disappointment? 

 

I hide all the doubt.  No matter what the outcome, I feel for this girl.  She is alone.  No that is not correct, I tell myself, she has me.  Even if I am not to be a mother today, I can be the person who shows this girl care and compassion, two things she has experience so little of.  I can give her me.

 

A boy is born.  A healthy and very big boy.  I cry fat ugly tears when I see him.  She cries too and I hug her to my chest and rock her gently.  What words are there to say at this moment?  The doctor does her thing.  The nurse cleans and wraps him up.  Then she turns and stares at the two of us, an uncertain look on her face.        

 

"She should hold him first."  I say through wooden lips.  The fear is a tactile thing now.  I can smell it circling around me.  I can feel it clawing at my belly.  How can I love this little boy so much already?  Is that even fair? 

 

She holds him.  She coos to him.  She plants delicate feather light kisses on his brow.  She beams at me.  I somehow manage to make the muscles in my face work as I smile back.

 

She holds him out to me.  "Here you are, mom."  She says and I reach for him with shaky arms.  He is so warm.  He is so beautiful.  He is simply perfect.  "You better go and tell the dad."  She chides me while I stare at my son in a trance.

 

Oh my husband still does not know!  Leaving the room is hard, but he most definitely  needs to be told.  It was only when I was stumbling to the waiting room did I realize how long it had been, how it was morning now, and marveled that adrenaline could keep me so firmly on my feet.  My husband was passed out in a most uncomfortable position.  I roused him and he looked at me expectantly.

 

"We're parents."  It was all I could say before great heaving sobs escaped from me.  He stood, held me, and joined me in sobbing.  Our wait was over.  Our halted life could be put back on play.     

 

I fell deeply in love with two people that day; my son, MY SON, who became the center of my world and restored me back to a loving nurturing person and this courageous and selfless young woman.  People look at me in wonder when I say how much I love my birth mom.  Don't I find it difficult to have her in my life?  I shake my head and say not at all.  She made us a family.  She gave me the most incredible and wonder gift.  My heart is so full with joy and appreciation, it is near to bursting.

 

This is my birth story.  It is not a traditional one, but families are made in many ways.            

Reviews

[Jessica~]

There's seriously no words that could describe my happiness for you. I cried for you while I read this, very emotional. I'm glad you got the little boy and helped his mother. You're a special person with an obviously caring heart.

[Maria Mercurio]

Thank you very much for allowing me to share!
:)

[Jessica~]

Thank you for sharing such an amazing and emotional piece from your life. :)

[L. Lagan]

Maria, this is a fantastically written, heartwarming chapter pulled from the story of your life. For me, as a person struggling with conceiving at the moment, this was extremely touching. My husband and I have been trying to start our own family for the better part of two years and it doesn't seem to be happening. Children have always been an exceptionally important part of my life. My older brother has four children of his own which I grew very, very close to over the years. At the age of thirteen I knew I wanted to be a mom more than anything in the world. For years I was alright this with not having a family, I felt that I wasn't ready yet because I hadn't properly settled down. Now that I'm married, the past two years have been hell for me. As you have written, I find myself being bitter and envious whenever I hear that somebody I know is having a baby. Feeling emotions like that makes me so ashamed of myself because it is far from the caring and compassionate person that I truly am. Your story has touched my heart. It has also let me see that though I might be struggling, there really are many ways to make a family. If it doesn't happen traditionally, then perhaps it will happen unconventionally. Thank you so much for share this.

-Leslie

[Maria Mercurio]

Thank you so much for sharing as well. The closest thing I can equate infertility to is being in mourning. You grieve for the child that will never come. I truly feel your pain. It was a dark time for me and my husband. The want was so great it became like an obsession. Adoption, though not for everyone, has made me whole again. I have two boys now and I'm so grateful to my birth mothers I practically adopted them too. My youngest son's birth mother was only 14 when we met and has finally just gotten her drivers license! There just is no real rhyme or reason to it all - but I can truly say I am content. Best wishes!!! Maria

[Dhaye]

Wow! An amazing story like mine.
My husband and I also don't have our own child in the first two years of our married life. We adopted a child, a two-day old thin baby boy. All in haste and rush, we bought milk and other stuff he needs. In the morning, we sent him to a doctor for a general check up (because he is really small and thin), only to discover he is ill. The doctor recommended him to a confinement at the hospital for 7 days, so we did. The feelings of true parents - though I am not the one who carried him in my belly for 9 months... I had given the chance to experience it at the hospital. He's my 4-year old son now.
See how great is the Lord? He gave us what's best for us.
Great story!

[Naomi Bloom]

Very interesting to hear your story. We don't usually hear about this unique type of birth story. They should make adoption easier because it ensures that more children have parents. You made a good point: it seems really dumb that they make it so difficult.

If I had to say how you could improve it would be that I think you could make your tone less conversational and add even more detail to the story to add length and make the story more personal.

Typo near the end: instead of "She gave me the most incredible and wonder gift" it should be "She gave me the most incredible and wonderFUL gift."

Thanks for entering my contest. Great story!

[Faolan]

Is this real?! ITs really good!!!

[Maria Mercurio]

Yes - this short was me reflecting back on when our first son was born. Thanks!

[Faolan]

Really? That's actually really intresting. It was fun to read and entertaining sometimes, but it was really intresting. I rate this a ★★★★★, a five!!!

[Maria Mercurio]

Thank you so much! I normally only write fiction. This was something special for me to share.

[Faolan]

Yeah me to this story is really special