Psycho

My life and how I feel, living with intrusive OCD and thoughts.

if for a moment, they could get inside my mind - would they fear what they heard?
they say "she's so beautiful" but i feel like a monster inside of this brain; i fear for my life, because i'm not going.. i am insane. if only my appearance reflected the realm of my thoughts that are so unwanted and so uncontrolled, i wouldn't be approached; therefor asked what i'm thinking inside - because all i'm thinking of is wanting to die. but i look so alive, i just want be well; i'm here now, so i'm stuck with this horror story to tell. constantly holding back from screaming, clenching my fists - this mind has got a mind of it's own & i'm losing my grip; i don't know how anyone else lives with this s**t -i feel selfish for continuing to exist.. but maybe i'm deserving, deserving of this - i've got to be crazy and insane to think this way; i don't think i deserve love or any sort friend, i can't take the suspense; this horror story has to end. i mean well, but this disease can't stand to see the good inside me win. no psycho deserves to live.

Author's Note

I don't focus on using any sort of correct grammar or structure when I write my poetry, I just write what feels right.

Again, this is about my life with intrusive OCD and thoughts.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

Oh Mariah! Your words are so vivid... glimpses inside... like rivers of thought... What powerful imagery... painful... just wishing the voices would end... release you... leave only the shine of the sun... Thank you for sharing something so personal... so honest...

[Lexi]

The lack of correct grammar and structure appeared a bit chaotic, adding to the point you were trying to make. It helped to enforce the fact that you have all these thoughts inside your head pounding away, and how it makes you go crazy from thinking. In addition the progression from other people to your personal thoughts was lovely. The collection of vivid sentences illustrated a powerful image, you have a lovely way with words.

[there is no more from m..]

WOW this is amazing Mariah i loved it

[Jessica]

Wow. That was so deep and explanitory. I think everyone may feel like this at some point or another because I do now. I love the detail and the personality of it. I love how its personal and what you feel and that it isn't like everyone else's structure of poetry. I like the feeling and the words that you chose. Hell, I like everything about it. I hope you get out of this and be happy. Excellent though, thanks for sharing!