Permission and Blindness

A poem from my past to show that love is blind, even to abuse. And how you feel convinced to stay because you're hoping the person you once love(d) will be the same again.

One day you allowed the ocean

To kiss your legs

And you fell in love;

So you began to swim

Far out of reach,

And you granted the water 

Permission

To kiss your whole body;

And sometimes,

The ocean was angry

And you allowed the waves

To push you out,

And pull you under,

Only because you loved the ocean.

And you struggled to break

Through the surface,

But, That was okay with you;

Because you fell in love

With how the water

Kissed your legs,

But only now;

It was swallowing you whole,

and never allowing you to

come up again.

Author's Note

I wrote this about a year to a year and a half ago. This is about my ex boyfriend and abuse, and how love is, in fact, blind to almost anything and everything. I'm having a slight conflict with punctuation, I couldn't decide where semicolons and commas were needed, so pointers and advice would be appreciated. Also constructive criticism would be wonderful!

Reviews

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

Never heard of love being compared to an ocean so that is beautiful. I understand what you're trying to say too. I had a boyfriend for 7 years and only know after we broke up for the last time did I truly see how bad it was for me.

The thing about the commas and semi colons is a semi colon is used when you could use a period but dont. I hope that helps :) great poem!

[Mariah Prussia]

Thank you so much for the help! And it was the same for me, I never realized how bad it was until it was over. But I do hope you're happy now!

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

I really really am :) I'm engaged to the most amazing man I have ever met! I hope the same for you :)

[Matching Socks]

Great poem, a subject matter close to my heart.
I love the analogy you've used, it's spot on.
Standing ovation, for the poem and because the boyfriend is now an ex.

[C. Rose]

Congratulations!
This piece made it to the top ten out of 373 other submissions of the "Promote Me! (Again)" contest.
For making it this far, if you submit this piece to the "Promote Me!" group library, then I will accept it into the library.
If you win the voting phase (which closes 7/18/14) then your piece will be featured on the "Promote Me!" group and other such promotions.
Link to group is: http://www.writerscafe.org/groups/Promote-Me%21/11216/

So, If you like this piece follow the following link and vote for it!
http://www.writerscafe.org/contests/Promote-Me%21-%28Again%29/50038/

I struggled in choosing the top ten, but your piece was never at risk of being cut. The analogy is both terrifying and beautiful. My heart trembled. Well penned indeed!

[C. Rose]

Boom. This piece is now in 94 more RR lists as your reward. I really wish I had 6 more friends so I could say 100.

[Joseph Eluzai]

Iam allergic to grammar touch-ups. I just love poems like this. There is depth, intensity, and serenity in its thrust. Your voice rolls with those waves, drowns in those waters, and sinks into that oblivion. It speaks to our obsession with love as blindness of some sorts. Aren't we blind in many other respects, too? Keep writing, Mariah!