Permission and Blindness

A poem from my past to show that love is blind, even to abuse. And how you feel convinced to stay because you're hoping the person you once love(d) will be the same again.

One day you allowed the ocean

To kiss your legs

And you fell in love;

So you began to swim

Far out of reach,

And you granted the water 

Permission

To kiss your whole body;

And sometimes,

The ocean was angry

And you allowed the waves

To push you out,

And pull you under,

Only because you loved the ocean.

And you struggled to break

Through the surface,

But, That was okay with you;

Because you fell in love

With how the water

Kissed your legs,

But only now;

It was swallowing you whole,

and never allowing you to

come up again.

Author's Note

I wrote this about a year to a year and a half ago. This is about my ex boyfriend and abuse, and how love is, in fact, blind to almost anything and everything. I'm having a slight conflict with punctuation, I couldn't decide where semicolons and commas were needed, so pointers and advice would be appreciated. Also constructive criticism would be wonderful!

Reviews

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

Never heard of love being compared to an ocean so that is beautiful. I understand what you're trying to say too. I had a boyfriend for 7 years and only know after we broke up for the last time did I truly see how bad it was for me.

The thing about the commas and semi colons is a semi colon is used when you could use a period but dont. I hope that helps :) great poem!

[Mariah Prussia]

Thank you so much for the help! And it was the same for me, I never realized how bad it was until it was over. But I do hope you're happy now!

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

I really really am :) I'm engaged to the most amazing man I have ever met! I hope the same for you :)

[Mirra]

I think I can relate to this. You loved him unconditionally never realizing he's drowning deeper and suffocating you with selfishness. Perfectly written :-)

[Ashira Macy]

This was absolutely flawless in presentation and content. It told a love story so beautiful that you felt like the person in it, blind to the anger until it is too late.

I am glad you got out before the ocean swallowed you up. Leaving is a brave thing to do, and you should be proud of yourself and this piece.

[New Theory]

This is an epic write, really amazing, I loved it. The way you completely fall in love without any control was nicely depicted. Thanks for sharing.

[Savannah Bly]

This is a beautiful metaphor and poem. I must admit I miss the ocean with me now living in the Midwest so i was hoping for a more happy ending. Nevertheless, life isn't what happens in the happy endings, it is what is found in between. This was beautiful, the metaphor tangible, and the story memorable!
Well Done! :)

[Kamari's]

Love story gone wrong I like it

[Emily]

I love it! Your wording is what does it! Well done!

[Mariah Prussia]

Thank you so much!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The ebb and flow of this write...
the balance of this indeed puts things in perspective...
the way you use the ocean and water as a theme...
gets the point of view to the reader...
ends well as relatively as it started...

[♔ CrownedDevil &#..]

- Piece is very well penned.
- So beautifully written.
- Very Creative, love the idea of the ocean to describe the emotion within.
- Your a very talented poet.


Kaze~

[Mariah Prussia]

Thank you! x

[♔ CrownedDevil ☾]

Your most welcome, it was my pleasure. :-) x

[A. Amos]

Simply splendid, enjoyed the read and thanks for sharing

[Mariah Prussia]

Thank you!