If Only

Her foot bounces up and down underneath the old diner table; the one they have sat at so many times before. But this time is different; this time she cannot find a reason to stay, nor can she discern a reason to leave. In essence, she is numb, though she cannot recognize whether or not in this situation she has put herself in this is a positive or not.  She can feel his eyes on her as she moves the food around her plate, wondering how long it will take him to notice that she really isn't eating. Then again, she hopes he will not notice at all; when he sees, he cares, and that’s what got her into this mess in the first place. 

 

After a few moments, she doesn’t hear him talking anymore and for a second almost thinks that he has left; but when she raises her eyes in the brief silence, he catches her glance and takes her hand in his. When he does, a warmth rests on her fingers and almost attempts to travel up her arm--a cure for her numb heart, but the moment is brief and the sensation fades at her wrist. If he turns her hand over, he will see them, but she will not allow him to, she has been down that road with him before. He is far too good for her, he cares far too much for something that has no ability to love him back.

 

Yet she uses him; she lets him care. She lets him encase her hand with his, and the longer he does, the more she needs him to understand. If only a touch could speak--

 

If only a touch could speak

it would tell you what I have done,

it would tell you who I am,

it would tell you how much I do not deserve you

and yet it would beg you not to leave;

 

If only a touch could speak,

it would tell what you have done,

it would tell you who you are,

it would tell you that you deserve so much more

and yet it would remind you how much you care.

 

If only a touch could speak,

it would tell you that I am broken,

it would tell you I cannot be fixed,

it would tell you that should not try;

and yet it would selfishly ask you to remain instead.

 

If only a touch could speak,

It would tell you that I love you

But not in the way you want,

It would tell you that I need you

But not in the way I want;

 

it would tell you that you are better

                than all I'll ever be

it would tell you that you deserve,

                so much more than me;

it would tell you to let me go

                to be all that I would see

to be happy, to be whole, to be loved;

                in essence, to be free.

Reviews

[Desert Thorn]

"He is far too good for her, he cares far too much for something that has no ability to love him back", higlight of the poem for me, especially using "something" instead of someone.

[Journeyed Soul]

This is beautiful and sad all at the same time. It speaks of truth in relationship yet the ever pressing problem that most relationships lack communication outside of the thoughts in our minds so the truth never comes to bear. I read it a few times and got a different emotion each time and at the same time could all to well relate. Great work!

[Raya Avans]

Beautiful. :) I really liked this whole poem and how you started in that paragraph type format. Well done, i enjoy your writing so keep it up!

~ rae

[Nishant Gupta]

nice one read mine too "QUEST OF LIFE"