The Sea

I was simply singing,
watching red poppies
in the field,
thinking of nothing,
just remembering
the sea of my childhood,
as Banville does
in his book.
How pleasant it is,
even in winter,
to hear the murmur of the sea.

Reviews

[Green]

You'll have to disregard our resident wannabe literary critic, he's repressed and nobody likes him. It's safer to not engage because there's no reasoning with him anyway.

I however, quite liked this little write. It felt sentimental in a quiet understated, not super emotional way.

[Twilight]

I know exactly who you mean. That guy called JG, is in a world of his own. Probably, best not to engage with him; as you suggested.

[Twilight]

JG is the real "repressed" "wannabe" who used to pour scorn, at your writing. That's why he is the one, who your other reviewer should be refering to.

I even made the effort to defend you, from his criticism, if you remember? He used to target you, with his negative ranting.

Now, back to your eloquent poem about the sea. It's clearly a nostalgic piece, as you have explained clearly. Self-referential, and related to a place which is special in your heart.

This poem also speaks of childhood memories, which make you happy; when you imagine singing through those poppy fields.

In dark or uncertain times, we sometimes need to draw comfort from safer times in the past. Rather than attack people, and criticise them; which rarely has any positive kind of outcome.

[Black Branches]

thanks! 🩷

[Eilis]

This is a lovely, subtle and human poem. Memorable writing gives a glimpse into a mind that is not our own and opens a window that would not have otherwise been opened. With the last line of your poem I am (in spirit) standing in that field with the wind going through me and thinking of my own moments of peace or contemplation in this kind of space.

The connectiveness of the images and the way you connect the voice/thought in the poem back to another offers a sense of scaffolding. From Banville to the speaker to the reader—the poem is an invitation for those open to it. I enjoyed this very much.

[Black Branches]

thanks! 💗

[Twilight]

That's an excellent review from Ellis. And, easy to relate with.

[JayG]

• I was simply singing,

You were "thinking of nothing, but at the same time remembering. Seriously?

My point? How many people woke to day wondering what you did and what you thought about? How many are excited to learn that you did? How many are thrilled to learn that someone unknown sang and enjoyed remembering the sound of the surf?

The goal of poetry is to move the reader, emotionally, not tell them what matters to you today. They seek entertainment, not information on your personal preferences and memories.

The majority of your poems are you talking to the reader about things that matter to you, often without providing the context that would make the words meaningful to the reader.

For you, it works as it should. But the reader needs context as they read a given line.

The problem is that you're using the fact-based and author-centric writing skills of school. And because you have both context and intent guiding your understanding it works, and you see no problems. Instead, look at the work as a reader must—a reader who lacks any context you don't evoke.

And as I often do, I suggest you read a few chapters of Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook, It's an excellent introduction to the basics of poetry.

https://dokumen.pub/a-poetry-handbook-0156724006.html

[Black Branches]

Idi Hahui!

[Black Branches]

Should we get rid of Sylvia Plath? Who mostly wrote in the first person, trashy, you old woman, leave me alone with your sharp, ancestral thoughts, you man of the Stone Age. Aaaaaa

[JayG]

You may believe that you write like Silvia, but if we remove your friend Twilight, there aren't many here who agree.

You left the comments window open and didn't post a "Praise only" notice. You you have no basis for complaint.

Say what you will, you're not hitting the target, mostly, because you're writing what I call, Me me me poetry—a condition caused by using the nonfiction skills of school rather than those of the poet. It's the most common trap for those writing fiction and poetry, so you you have a LOT of company—including me when I turned to writing, back in the 90's.

You can fix that, and benefit from it, or continue to complain that you're not being worshipped.

Someone you don't know took time he didn't have to give you, to help you improve. Reacting by insulting the one who did that improves the quality of your work not at all.

[Black Branches]

Just go and eat a salad, there are no rules today. I don't need friends!

[Black Branches]

I don't often write about myself, believe me. You might be right, maybe I am narcissistic.
read moreI don't often write about myself, believe me. You might be right, maybe I am narcissistic.

[Twilight]

I have only just seen, that JG has been on the attack, yet again. Black Forest. Probably, best not to engage with him. As one of your other reviewers, has recommended.