What If I Don't Want To

What is your answer?

What if I don't want to go

What if I don't want to stay

What if all I wanted

disappeared today?

I hadn't taken chances

I hadn't been brave

What would I have missed

If I were to die today?

So many options

of things to do and see

yet,I struggle 

to find one right for me.

Freedom is bondage

for the OCD

Too much uncontrolled 

to be able to be free.

Some say --

control is the king

others say --

enlightenment is key

So much noise

shouting what to do

people like me

need quiet to get through.

So Sir, 

answer my question

what am I to do

... 

if I don't want to go

but I don't want to stay

and everything I wanted

disappeared today?

Author's Note

What is your answer to this question? Please comment below. Thank you.

Reviews

[Lorry]

I dont have ocd (apart from my kitchen cupboards, albums, books, dvd's and my I.T. Crowd shrine in my bedroom, my toothpaste tube and checking mu feet every ten steps when im out, to make sure im wearing matching shoes....But I don't wanna either.
Okay, my argument was going to hold more sway, right up until realising I do have it (i also count my steps and freak out if I have an odd number of weetabix left)
But I can see similar in myself. If I need to go out, I tend to do it at silly o'clock when there is less people around. I reckon im just too clumsy to be around people that much. I would ideally like to avoid me too, but seems im stuck with me.
Holy s**t! I do have ocd....Thank the made up beardy guy in the clouds that no shrinks will read this and send a team with wraparound coats to take me to a nice, bouncy room. Phew.
My advice is, screw the perspective. If we can't change it, at least we can laugh about it.
Now you must excuse me, I need to count my weetabix :)

[Margie F]

Lorry, I like you. You have SUCH a way of communicating that is fun. I'm not OCD, but sometimes I feel like I am because of my need to control my environment. Maybe that's just called being "human." I'm going to have to brush up on my "Shrek." ;)

[Lorry]

Thanl you. Though I must warn uou, that judging by popular opinion, it gets old, real quick. Just consider me a smell you can't quite recognise, or find the cause. And no, I don't mean feel free to spray fabreze in my face. It really stings :)

[Chris]

My answer IS "The Master's miss..."

[Cherrie]

Well for starters you could make sure everything in the Kitchen is pointing in the right direction, and that alone will take care of today :)
A good poem asking us to consider then offer a simple truth to those they love,
And
Then check to see if all the edges of the bed are the same.

[Iain L. Luen]

My OCD is now mostly passing urges. I used to touch three things in a row (usually something like wall panels in an office,) count ceiling tiles (I usually cheated and multiplied,) and many of the things Lorry documented in her review. I suppose my remaining problem is still with others. I still want to scream 'do it right' to people who obviously don't understand that I am the one who knows how things should be. I'm nice to others, but most of the time I just want to be a hermit.
This was a nice read, especially the point about so much noise.

[Margie F]

Iain, you made me laugh on the 'I usually cheated and multiplied' part. Thank you for your reply. I think "getting out" is overrated. ;)

[nessamokobocho]

Sometimes it feels like my life is standing still. These are the moments where I doubt my abilities and my purpose in this world. I ask myself a question of whether or not my life has meaning in some way and I have now come to realize that that might be a dangerous question to ask.

[Margie F]

It is only dangerous if you follow the wrong answer. Always, always look to the positive no matter how much you question life. It's like being on a road trip. We pull up to a fork in the road and there are lights on one side and no lights on the other. When we don't know where we are going, we follow the lights. If both sides are dark, we look for light in someone else and we follow it. Your answer is there for you, and good news is, it's big! Your purpose in this world is so big, and the reason you can't see it is because you're too close. You need an insightful friend who will help you see what you have trouble seeing in yourself. Don't be afraid to seize opportunities. The right one is out there. For us both. Thank you for your vulnerability and allowing my poem to open this dialogue with you. Peace.

[Coyote Poetry]

I liked the dance of the words. Should I stay or should I go. Old song verse. I disappeared twice in my life. Even volunteer for war to escape boring life. Can be done but. Old wise country saying. Can't return from where you left. When I came back, one grandparent gone and father also. A interesting poem. Asked a important question dear Margie.
Coyote

[Margie F]

I hope it does prompt thought. At 46 years old, I am STILL trying to find my way. Many thanks Coyote.

[Coyote Poetry]

I don't believe I found my way yet. We keep going forward. Maybe save one life? You are welcome Margie.

[barleygirl]

There are too many things to ponder here, for me to answer it all in a review. For starters, I've always been a person who cannot stand half-hearted friends around me. If you can't be all-in, then go away -- (to address your first stanza, so well expressed). A little further on, to address the OCD issue . . . in my younger days I was a control freak, very tough to be . . . glad for old age & brain injury that slowed down my thinking, so now I can finally relax & NOT think sometimes! *smile* All in all, you bring up many excellent ideas for pondering & you express everything creatively! (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

[Margie F]

Margie, I always feel like I am talking to myself when I respond to you. ;) I'm sure you noticed we share a name. Thank you so much for your feedback. Fortunately, I've been able to quiet the OCD in my head, but sometimes, it still shows itself in my decision making. GRRR. Thank you for kind words.

[barleygirl]

I first clicked on you becuz of our shared name! There hasn't been any disappointment!

[Margie F]

Thank you so much!!

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

Just be here now in the present moment- its all we have, clever poem🌹

[Margie F]

Thank you so much for your response. It is a lot easier to live in the moment. Sometimes, looking forward offers too many options to provide any peace.