The Waiting Willow

My back absorbs the cooling earth
the willow shades my heart
Upon the beckoning breeze
I hear the steps of love

 

For you
I am
the one

 

The trickle of the brook calls
as I long for sweet release
Once warm within the arms
I freeze amongst the peace

 

For you
I'm not
the one

 

Fluttering petals float the winds
I cast them to the skies
My wishes true then not
forever swirling thoughts inside

 

For you
I'll wait
right here

 

Alive then dead or somewhere in between
glittering drops trace my cheeks
as I stand to water's side
the first step is the coldest

 

For you
I'll wait
No more

 

Beauty sails the water deep
like an angel floating softly
Hair surrounding face and form
forever lost at sea

 

From you
my love
I'm free

Reviews

[Zoe Jay]

Lovely play on the old he-loves-me-he-loves-me-not theme, very well written, with lovely imagery and classic descriptions. Slightly whimsical, but melancholy. Nice structure. The classic images give it a softness and sense of romance....willow... brook....petals....tears.... angel. But the short refrains, which give it the loves-me-loves-me-not feel, cast a darker and more uncertain tone over the poem. Nice write.

[HopelesslyDevoted]

I have mixed emotions on this..

[Dilan Gray]

I loved this, the images were beautiful! You wrote this so well and I loved the shorter lines inbetween, they added so much emotion to the poem as a whole. I just loved it all! Great poem.

[sarah]

This is stunning

[Esoteric Strand]

I appreciate this thoughtful piece, but poetically, it’s just not my cup of tea. There’s a little too much preciousness going on here with lines like: I hear the steps of love,…I long for sweet release…Fluttering petals float the winds. It’s a bit too much. I think the point can be made without bludgeoning the reader with overwrought lines that eventually just sound like strained efforts.



Regards,

E

[Calypso]

Beautifully written. There's a dark, tragic air to this, but this is so good after all.

[Cherrie]

this is most poetic and very somber, I loved the title and you opened this poem with a smooth transition to match.

[.]

lamenting hearts are always a favourite of mine..you did this justice..lovely

[Poetic Beauty]

this reminds me of someone who has lost a loved one. Waiting until it is time to move on to the next world. It is beautifully done and heartfelt.

[Jenny Nelson]

Such melancholy. You did an absolutely awesome job conveying such emotion. An absolutely beautiful piece with even more beautiful description.

[Ladysue]

this was sad, but you penned this so beautifully...