Why Do I Do This?

Why do I do this to myself?
Put myself into these kind of situations
I never think about what is best for me
I am always thinking of other
But in the back of my mind
Sometimes I could care less
Yet I still do what is best for others
I need to something for myself
Say no sometimes
Not offer to do this or that
Not be so willing
So loving and caring
For once I need to be the b***h
The b***h that is inside of me
Dying to get out
Screaming and tearing at my insides
But I ignore it
I hide it and think to myself
That I will never be that b***h
But that means I will never be happy
Because I will let others have what they want
I will never get what I truly want
I have to be nice to people
And I can’t break it
No matter how hard I try
I guess it is because I never really had people in my life
Who cared about me
And let me have something or do something
That I wanted
And now I do have people like that
But I still can’t change
I have tried
But nothing came from it
Except maybe me
Being nicer than I used to be
So for now, and probably forever
I am going to sit here
And act like I am happy
With what happens
And what comes from my willingness
To do everything
For the happiness of others
But I guess that is what makes me
Isn’t it?
My kindness towards others
My willingness to get hurt and not let it show
To the person that hurt me
And trying to act like I am happy
Even though only with a few people I am
Truly happy without acting
But that doesn’t matter
What matters is the fact
That people sometimes take advantage
Of me and what I choose to do
I guess I will have to get used to it
Or I will have to change
But I have tried to many times in the past
To change who I am
And I have not been successful
I put myself into situations
Were I can’t say no
And I don’t want to hurt anyone
So I go along with it
And sometimes hurt myself along the way.
 

Reviews

[Jessica R.]

It's a good poem. You clearly show the meaning behind the words. I suggest that you perhaps formating the poem in order to further portray the meaning-- at the moment it seems to me as one long train of thought. Also, read of it once more, for you have left out some words to make the poem itself flow more easily.