As Love Dies

How dead does love have to be before it can't be brought back?

    She sits across from me at the same dinner table we've shared a thousand meals together. But this one is different. Now she just stares coldly at me with no expression. She used to be so warm towards me. Now I get nothing. Where once she couldn't wait to tell me about every mundane detail of her day as if it were the grandest of adventures, lately she has grown distant. She won't talk anymore; won't share.
    "Darling, what's wrong?" I ask in vain. I know before I iterate the question yet again that I'll get no answer.
    She hasn't touched the food I've made just for her. I spent hours toiling away making her favorite meal, and she lets it get cold on the plate in front of her.
    I just want things to be like they used to be, when we were so in love we could stay up all night just staring into one anothers eyes. We needed no words then, a look could say it all. We talked for hours just for the sheer joy of hearing each others voices. Now I can't remember the last time she said a single word to me. I just want to fix whatever has gone wrong.
    "Babe, please, can't we talk?" I ask, reaching across the table to grasp her hand. She offers no response. "Honey, please, I just want you to know I still love you more than anything. More than life itself. More than I could have ever thought possible. Of course I love you, you taught me how."
    She really did. I didn't even understand the concept of love before she showed me. I barely knew what the word meant. But now as I look into her eyes, devoid of the warmth and love that used to fill them when they looked back at me, I know that the love is gone. I don't know what I'll do just to get that back. It's like a deeper form of madness, when someone loves you as completely as she did me, and then it just goes away. I would crawl on my hands and knees over broken glass to hell and back just to see that look of love from her again.
    I begin to weep as I wait for a response that never comes. Why won't she tell me what's wrong? How could she be this cruel? Tears fall  silently off my cheeks as we stare at each other in the deafening silence. As each second drags itself agonizingly slowly by, I become more and more aware that things have changed irrevocably. The love is gone, and it will never return.
    My emotions get the better of me and I stand up to shout in anger, fueled by frustration.
    "It's not as if I've changed! I've been every inch of the man I promised you I'd be. I have gone to the ends of the earth to communicate, to share my life and love with you. But what do I get for this? Nothing! I'm trying so hard but you give me nothing anymore!" I throw my wine glass across the room and hear it shatter against the wall. I am instantly sorry I did it. What a good metaphor for my behaviour. My anger leads me to make an empty gesture, only to result in a mess that will need to be cleaned up later.
    I get down on my knees and put my hand on her thigh the way she used to love when I would comfort her. Now she doesn't even acknowledge its presence. The tears burn in my eyes.
    "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, baby. I want you to know that I will always love you. Not for anything in return. Not because of anything you do or even who you are. I love you just because you are there. Because you exist. Because you were created for me to love. But please, don't stop loving me just because things are different now. Don't give up.  A love like ours will always be worth fighting for. We have to try!"
    For just a brief moment as I stare through my tears I think I've seen something. A response. She remembers. She can feel some spark of what she felt before things changed. A spark, that's all I need. Just one spark to set the whole world ablaze with a renewed love so powerful the poets will have no words to describe it. But then my heart sinks and the tears burn my eyes again as I realize I've imagined it.
    Sighing deeply I stand, my head hanging nearly as low as my heart. Have I imagined the whole thing? Did she ever really love me as deeply as I thought she had? Have I been cheating reality this whole time, living in some fantasy of my own construction, untouched by the cold, harsh reality of it all? Dinner is over. Our marriage is over. Our life together is over. Our love... is over.
    I slowly turn to walk out of the room. I refuse to believe it's done. I still know deep down that a love like ours is worth fighting for, but tonights battle is lost. I will go to our room and weep alone tonight, resolving to find a way to return the luster to our love. I will never give up, even if she has. I will do the fighting for us both, if need be. I will be steadfast. She will come back to me. I know she will. She will remember all the reasons she wanted to be with me forever. Forever.
    "We'll talk some more later. Right now I think we both need to be alone." I say as I leave. Just before I close the door behind me I look over my shoulder and say to her, "You know, things just haven't been the same since you died in that car accident."

The End