Nectar

an ectopic pregnancy and a load of psychedelic drugs, check it out.

My caramel girl

with cherry lips
wants me to taste

the frosting

and the chocolate

and the cinnamon

all over her body

 

our baby is candy

a sugar soul, like his mother 

we think he is 14 weeks old now...

my sweet caramel girl
peels open her womb
we take a look inside

it's morning
time to wake up
we wave and say hello

 

our sweet baby

still resting

develops hands

over his face

it must be too bright

he doesn't want to wake up
not now

not ever.

 

Our fetus child is,
MAD,

HE DOESN'T LIKE,
ME,

HE DOESN'T LIKE,
MY,
GIRL,

HE RIPS HER WOMB,
OPEN,
HE MAKES MY,

GIRL,
BLEED,
NECTAR

and slides DOWN
 her chocolate coated leg
Nectar flows out with him

We don't think he has lungs yet

his bones are too soft,

He won't go very far

but he chose this path,

and we love him,

so we let him go

 

we watch him crawl away

FRANTIC,

his breathing slows to a stop

we watch his tender body slow its pace
and drop.

He made us so,
proud,

as parents.

I sprinkle cinnamon dust on his dying body

I watch the,
Nectar,
dry,
on the concrete floor

 

Reviews

[Astro]

So very graphic and heavy as it should be with such a topic. I think that you did well blending in descriptions that soften the blow with their sweet characteristics and spiced aromas but not so much that the gravity and impact is lost. The format is a bit strange but doesn't affect the subject so, I would consider this a good write. If it is biographical, I am sorry for your loss.

[Slug]

thanks man, I chose this seemingly sporadic format to resemble the seemingly sporadic attacks of anxiety that accompanied this phase of my life

[Astro]

No doubt. Here's to smooth sailing in the future.

[Thomas Fitzgerald]

So sweet and telling at the same time! x

[Slug]

thanks man!

[Vria P Crow]

INTRODUCTION

The title captured by eye because of the natural connotations. As I read your work, I'm not sure what to expect.

QUOTE DISSECTION

"My caramel girl

with cherry lips"

1. Nationality: African or African American
2. "Red lipstick"

Beautiful imagery:D

"the chocolate

and the cinnamon

all over her body"

1. Very sensual.
2. Very food and sex= babies type of feel to it

my baby is candy

"a sugar soul, like his mother"

Awe :) This part I thought was really cute. I imagined the baby as a cute lollipop coming out to say "hello" :)

"Our fetus child is,
MAD,"

You have captivated me with your honesty. Frankly, I find childbirth disgusting while everyone tends to video tape it with morbid interest. I like how you didn't cover it up with generic images and language.

"I sprinkle cinnamon dust on his dying body"

This is the part where I kind of just lost it from tears, and I wasn't sure how to take it :(

*hugs you

CONCLUSION

You have my sweet condolences, xXSlugXx, and I hope I did not offend you with my thoughts :( Nectar sounded like a beautiful soul just like the Mother.

Love,
Ria Vero Benthil

p.s. Nectar is the sweet yellow
that bees come to harvest;
hidden from the bear.

[Slug]

you know, in the first version I had
chocolate coated girl, but I figured the reader would mistakenly assume she's Caribbean or african
(not that I don't like chocolate or anything haha)
so I put caramel girl instead, just as sweet, but closer to her Latin/ Chilean nationality ;)
thanks for your input Ria, much appreciated!

[Vria P Crow]

haha I don't assume because skin pignment differs around the nation.

you are very welcome :)

The thing is, is that I digest the lines by line so I feel horrible about my thoughts before I got to the end.

p.s. May the force be with you, love :)

[Slug]

well you shouldn't there's no reason to!

[Vria P Crow]

:) smileysssssssssss