Stars

Glittering, gleaming, gloating stars

Snicker through the night

Wordless mocking from afar

Laughter at her plight.

 

‘I hate you!’ she cries,

Frosted words hit frosty air.

Glares at starry eyes,

But all to no avail.

 

The stars are not at all disturbed.

They return the vicious stare,

Cold, impassive, unperturbed,

That she’s living on a prayer.

 

Followed by the eyes of masses,

Night, afternoon, and day,

Whispers from them when she passes,

Skitters down the hallway.

 

The world is hard and dark and burned,

Yet still the stars shine on

Cheerful, happy, unconcerned,

That morning come, she’s gone.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Reviews

[Alicia Beavis]

"Sparkling, glittering, gleaming stars" - I'd remove either "glittering" or "gleaming" because it fits the flow better.
"Snickers" - remove the 's' at the end.
"laughter" read better as "laughing" to me.
"She's tormented by the eyes of the masses" - this line feels too long and interrupts the overall flow. In fact, it felt almost as if it was there just to rhyme.
"all night, all afternoon, and all day" - I'd re-work this too "all night, afternoon and day"
"The world is hard and dark and burned" - I'd remove the first "and" and then put a comma in it's place.

Overall, I liked the meaning and with a few tweaks this could be absolutely awesome! Very nicely done.

[Not Your Typical New Yo..]

This is a very sad poem. But you captured this sadness in the most brilliant words and lines that I actually ever read. Such as: " Frosted words hit frosty air." That line really captures the sadness.Very well detailed. And: "The world is hard and dark and burned, Yet still the stars shine on" The world can be like this, and I really love that you wrote the stars still shine, as if meaning they are perfect and always watching. I really enjoyed this great read!