Stars

Glittering, gleaming, gloating stars

Snicker through the night

Wordless mocking from afar

Laughter at her plight.

 

‘I hate you!’ she cries,

Frosted words hit frosty air.

Glares at starry eyes,

But all to no avail.

 

The stars are not at all disturbed.

They return the vicious stare,

Cold, impassive, unperturbed,

That she’s living on a prayer.

 

Followed by the eyes of masses,

Night, afternoon, and day,

Whispers from them when she passes,

Skitters down the hallway.

 

The world is hard and dark and burned,

Yet still the stars shine on

Cheerful, happy, unconcerned,

That morning come, she’s gone.

If you can't beat 'em, join 'em.

Reviews

[Alicia Beavis]

"Sparkling, glittering, gleaming stars" - I'd remove either "glittering" or "gleaming" because it fits the flow better.
"Snickers" - remove the 's' at the end.
"laughter" read better as "laughing" to me.
"She's tormented by the eyes of the masses" - this line feels too long and interrupts the overall flow. In fact, it felt almost as if it was there just to rhyme.
"all night, all afternoon, and all day" - I'd re-work this too "all night, afternoon and day"
"The world is hard and dark and burned" - I'd remove the first "and" and then put a comma in it's place.

Overall, I liked the meaning and with a few tweaks this could be absolutely awesome! Very nicely done.

[Kuhr Gred]

wow.. i feel in this poem.. the sparks of the stars in the sky.. it is an art.. :) thanks for review in my "Intimate Friend"
- kuhr Gred

[Falling Leaf.]

A lovely piece with raw emotion and passion. I simply adore it!
~The Wilted Rose

[Coyote Poetry]

"I hate you!’ she cries,
Frosted words hit frosty air.
Glares at starry eyes,
But all to no avail."
A very good poem. I could see the stars and feel the frustration. I like the way you ended the excellent poem.
Coyote

[light and ashes]

Oh how miserable it must be when even the stars mock you, lovely and tragic poem.

[Nightingale]

This is so sad, yet true. I really liked how you described the stars! Nice imagery!

[Mackenzie Brooke]

So beautiful great work :)

[RachelReaper]

It has a nice ring of darkness to it, which I can always appreciate. Very nice. It sounds like the stars aren't too different from some people.

[Legolas]

So beautiful:) describing the stars like they have feelings is genius:) great job as usual:)

[T. Logan]

This is really pretty. The stars are almost treated like people, which I love. It's cute and dark.

[Celestial Witch Child]

This poem drips with tragedy and melancholy beauty.