My True Self

I want to tell someone who I am

I lie every day,
to my friends and family, to my teachers, and to myself.
I tell people that I don't mind what they say,
that it doesn't affect me, that I am okay,
but it's all lies.
I am not strong, and I hate that,
I hate it that my friends and family don't realize the power they hold over me,
their words break me every day,
I want them to know the true me,
and my true feelings,
But I will never tell them,
so I write this poem and hope they never see it
Because today, I'm gonna write something truthful and strong
I am pansexual
I use she/they pronouns,
And I am terrified of my father and stepmother
because they are homophobic, racist and, transphobic
but don´t worry
I'm okay!
because I lie every day.

Author's Note

A sensitive topic for some.

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[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

The greatest love in life you will ever have is the love of self. But it is not easy to achieve in some people it takes a lifetime to gain a love of self. Living a life where you hear constant negativity cast your way can also make it difficult to love yourself. But if you can't find that love inside of you it will make it impossible to ever love anything else in life. And I can tell you from experience you don't want to live your life like that. Not being true to you. Don't live your life under the expectation of others because you will never please them because it requires you not living up to your own expectations. You have to love you before you can love anyone else. If people can't except you for you there will be other who will. Others who truly love you because you have chosen to be true to yourself.