Worthless

Written May 2007, pre deletion day.

Worthless

I am not worthless, you are. Yes thats right, you heard me. Just because you told me over and over again that I am worthless that does not make it true, it is the same as all you words, crap.

I saw the signs but I ignored, oh how stupid we are for love. And yes as I forever say "what would I not give up for love ....nothing". Well that changes now. I need to add more to that sentence, perhaps a defination of love. I gave up everything I had for you, family, friends, all my physical belongings (even my home), my mind and almost my life. I asked nothing of you except your love, you couldn't even give that.

Once we made a bet, a bet on the football of all things, I can't even remember what game it was, Seattle verses someone but thats not relevant. Your side of the bet was a poem, something that would cost you nothing but time ...... you lost, but then again you are a loser, still to this day you have not kept your bargain. I would have paid you my 100 dollars, I would have kept my word. You spoil the English language with your lies, you have the audacity to speak the language of Shakespeare, and this disgusts me.

No I take it back you did give me something, you gave me abuse, self doubt and pain.

Oh if I had not been so blinded. Stupid so stupid. The lies you told your friends about me, I should have run when I found out. The time you told me you hit your ex girlfriend, instead of comforting you I should have jump on a plane that second. Without doubt it was your abuse that lead me to trying to take my own life, it has taken me all this time to realise that, but it is truth all the same. Even in hospital after I was trying to justify that it was my fault, that I deserved to die, that I was worthless, my god even the cleverest woman is stupid sometimes. My only defence, that when you are told a thousand times in one day that you are scum, eventually you start to believe it, just as I did.

And just last night, how dare you ask me for money, I am not your personal bank.

Your closest friends are deserting you, have you ever asked why? you are abusing them now like you did me aren't you? it is a retorical question, I [b]know[/b] the answer.

Just in case you need a recap on your impressive profile, here take a look:

You are a 34 year old man with no home, no job, no friends, no prospects. You are full of arrogance, stupidity and hate. You have done nothing with your life, you are an abuser, you make no effort to help others (although you think you do but it is all for selfish reasons), you will leave no epitath, no-one will remember you and the devil himself welcomes you. Funnily you think you are "the s**t", oh my god you are dellusional too. You an aging pathetic man that is losing his hair, has a small dick and is drunk from 9am in the morning. Being drunk 3 times in one day is not impressive, even worse that you drive in that state. You are worthless. The only thing of value you had was me.

I have love, I am young, beautiful and intelligent. I have family, friends, a good job, a beautiful home and a great future panning out before me. Your friends now confide in me, they tell me you are a monster ... my reply as always is he always was.

Now as I sit in my living room, drinking coffee and cleansing my mind once and for all I start to laugh ...... I laugh for two reasons, both are the end to your dreams.

1) I am planning my secret wedding and guess what? you are not the groom
2) Your lifelong dream of living in this country will never come true, EVER! Those threating emails you sent me, well I sent them to immigration, their official stance is that you can not threaten a British Citizens life and expect to live here, they wont give you residency. Stick that up your arse and smoke it.

Also, if I find out you have been cruel to Jilly again, I will break you in two, do not doubt this.

The last thing I leave in this rant will be your name, I want to warn anyone that has the pleasure of meeting you of the monster that lays in weight.

Goodbye to the worthless Michael Edward Roesch.

 

Reviews

[Calypso]

This is so powerful and well written. I couldn't stop reading. The end was amazing. This a gem of a story! So great.

[Oz in Exile]

*a light shines down upon him* Yes, this helps enormously. Thank you, Manoosh. Secret wedding? How very celebrity of you. I imagine those are the Vegas photos? Proof positive that Elvis never can die - he is immortal. If you can find it in the UK, watch a movie called 'Bubba Hotep'. You'll thank me, I swear. ;-P

[the poet who never was...]

wow!....i have to...wow! wow!
i am left speechless and that so rarely happens. this is not only a rant--it is the MOTHER of dear john letters. and it has convinced me to read more of your work. wow! wow!
I can't seem to stop saying that and i don't if its for what he did or how you broke him down. no s**t--though. u.k. is already tough enough with immigration---and if he wants to visit the country again, maybe they need to stick him in quarantine for 6months first like they do with the cats and dogs before they are allowed into the country.

[Susan M. Fenn]

Brilliant! Get it out.. relish in it.. and realize it was never your fault. Love blinds us all.. love makes us do things in haste, and love.. is all wonderful and all evil. Good for you, being courageous.. being strong.. and doing what was right by informing immigration!!! I applaud you, and your "secret" wedding! If I were local I would be there in a heartbeat. You are a wonderful person, you deserve love, you deserve everything and more Manoosh! If it were within my power, I would give you the world. Because of you, I have strength. Because of you.. I am going to write a more.. detailed letter.. probably a good bit longer.. and I do not want to make someone sad.. but I need to get the venom out of me, as you have done here, for yourself. *hugs tightly* May the God and Goddess watch over you.. and if there is something that I can send you for your wedding.. I would feel honoured to do so!!!! And by the way.. thank you for sharing the name. Thank you for warning the world. And as things come.. and I write the next "letter", I will post the b******s name as well.

[Crazy Cat Man]

Wow such a powerful vent. Yes this Michael Edward Roesch is a loser. You exposed him to the world. :)