Wow, this was awesome! It's amazing what cameras can do. A camera with batteries to take pics with, and a camera in our minds...both serving a purpose to hold memories of so many things of the past, both bad and good. This was really great hun, great job!
A little bit of a technical approach now - I don't want to come across all slimy...
The assonance worked really well, up until the last stanza.
You will notice the repetition of the word 'Devine'. I think that detracts from the progress and acceleration you made.
I was thoroughly enjoying the rhythm, the sentiment sentimentality, but then all of a sudden...BAM! It was gone. Maybe I'll never kill time...or something to do with time, it sounds like devine. Or maybe something to rhythm with past (Time). So what about last. 'Because you visit regularly, Esquisite pain will pass, or will last....depends on everything of course... I did enjoy it though...
A dream that visits regularly,
So painfully devine.
Something precious,
Something past,
My heart will always pine.
Because you visit regularly,
Esquisite pain devine.
Great write - moving and powerful - and in so few words.
Its hard to pick out a favourite part from this poem - but I particularily enjoyed the opening stanza - really attention grabbing : 'a blink/a moment/ a memory' just really simple and beautiful. I really almost like I have been suspended in a moment having read this - its a nice feeling - and one which ood poetry should create!
Congrats on this write.
Really admire how you've captured the feeling of those memories that can creep up from anywhere - and often do - sometimes they can be something sentimental - sometimes they can sting enough to make you lose your breath. I think you have expressed this way better than I ever could - going in my favourites ;)
Music Playlist at MixPod.com
Outside the Cafe
Esperanza e inspiracin (Hope and Inspiration)
Everyday without exception I shed silent tears.
Just ask me, I won't bite. N.. more..