A guide to galactic bootlegging - prologue

An introduction to the world of Galactic bootlegger Levi Sawyers

The trade routes out into the final frontier initiated some exciting discussions. What would become Earths number one export to the rest of the universe? There were those that claimed it would undoubtedly be our vast technological advances, which became almost laughable once you had encountered suits and weapons made of living matter. Earths exports which totaled 3, were actually rather under-whelming

The first was war, warmongers were spoiled for choice in 2068 when the universe opened up in front of them. They got positively giddy at the prospect of an infinite universe filled with infinite enemies. Earth became involved in more wars then it was humanely possible to keep track of. Ships were launched daily from Earth, which coincidentally accelerated the planets natural processes making it completely uninhabitable by the year 3000. The deployment of earths invasion forces was careless to say the least. Earth had come up with what was most likely the crudest manner of sustaining life during interstellar travel. Ships known as "hatcheries" sailed through space with 1,000's of Earths finest jar-heads. When those upstanding military personnel reached their expiration date their consciousness was downloaded into the mind of an exact clone, and their bodies ejected out into the vastness of space. The Earths forces literally left a trail of dead bodies behind them. One unforeseen consequence of sending deadly killers all across the universe, was that they had an awful lot of free time to develop their long standing issues with authority. A couple of hundred mutinies later space was filled with renegade Earth issued platoons. Some became pirates, masquerading as expeditionary forces and plundering whomever they crossed paths with, most became the universes cheapest and least likable mercenaries

The second was a little surprising, whilst not being the most technologically advanced race in Universe, we certainly seemed to be the most entertaining. Countless civilizations had come before and for whatever reason developed little or no culture. Most civilizations or at least the ones capable of space travel, had never heard anything like the Bee Gees, and at least the ones with eyes had never seen anything like a Rembrant or a Martin Scorsese picture. Starjumpers(which was just sort of a fancy term for a sort of glorified space trucker) often told stories about an entire planet that was completely disco themed and where the adolescents dressed like Travolta in Saturday Night Fever as a sort of right of passage. By the year 2022 Earth had begun simply launching the majority of it's trash into the empty vacuum of space. Earths artifact's floated through the universe and directly into the hands of alien lifeforms who almost instantly fell in love with everything from vinyl records to bright red staplers and 57 Chevy front ends. What started off as Earths trash eventually became some of the most valuable and sought after antiques in the universe

Earths largest export skyrocketed into popularity on a rather insignificant moon situated within the boundaries of an incredibly powerful Empire. The Kaladaen's were a rather peaceful lot. Subservience was not only thought to them but over millions of years they had evolved beyond the notions of free will and ownership. That was until of course 20,000 liters of Earths finest single malt crash landed during their harvest festival. The entire planet went from peaceful agriculturists to revolutionaries in a single evening, by the end of the month they had clawed back control of their planet as well as waging several successful insurgency campaigns on various planets within their reach. Three months later the liqueur ran out and nobody was entirely sure what had happened. Alcohol became the talk of the entire universe, and had a surprising amount of uses. Truth serums, poisons, aphrodisiacs, alcohol had some rather stunning effects on some of the universes more complex lifeforms. Some changed colour others spontaneously combusted or returned to a state of adolescence like some sort of immortal jelly fish. For one reason or another Earths alcohol became one of the top ten sought after substances in the known Universe. A thousand or so years after the end of prohibition bootlegging's true golden era had begun

Author's Note

All kinds of criticism welcomed, I am aware of some issues with grammar but it's six o'clock in the morning and nothing more i can do here, for the time being

Reviews

[Dee]

All of your ideas on what we would export into space are very smart, and interesting, great job!!
I love a good space adventure, and sometimes my own mind creates aliens who show up in my dreams, beautiful creatures; some that shape-shift, and some that glow at night while floating on water. In one dream, I was a lead archeologist, who arrived with my team to a place on another planet, where there was a friendly six legged dog, haha :D

[Daniel Maguire]

Thank you for such a lovely review. I like writing Sci-Fi it gives me this infinite space to fill with all manner of creatures and adventures

[icomeanon_13]

The cheekiness in this piece is reminiscent of Douglas Adams (the highest praise I can offer). Thoughtful and punchy, I liked the jabs at humanity's vices. It's like C. S. Lewis said - we will only spread out iniquity elsewhere should we ever encounter life on other planets.