Prologue

    “I write these things to you who believe in the name of the son of God, so that you may know that you have eternal life.” (1 John 5:12)
    
    It was a normal day, just like any other. I woke up with the same beautiful woman of the past six years asleep in my bed next to me. It’s the anniversary of the day we decided to spend the rest of our lives together, as well of the 25th anniversary of the birth of me.
    I sit there admiring her curves, her sweet lips, her silky blonde hair, her beautiful hazel eyes with just a hint of green around the edges. I almost feel as though I’ve seen her before. Like…no…maybe? In another life? She looks amazing, like an angel sleeping under the fluffy white covers of our queen sized bed. I don’t want to wake her but she needs to get ready for work. I’ll let her sleep a few more minutes.
    “You’re so beautiful. How did I get so lucky?” I whisper in her ear.
    She’ll never know just how much I love her, how much she means to me. Apparently I didn’t even know back then how much she meant, how important she was to….my life. But now it’s so clear. Now I see why I had to protect her. I literally couldn’t live without her.

Author's Note

Please let me know what areas I could improve in. Thank you in advance. Chapter One should be posted no later than Dec. 4, 2009.

Reviews

[E.J. Wallace]

I agree that this is a bit short for a prologue, and that you do tend to switch back and forth between past and present tense, which is a habit that all of us have been guilty of at some time or another. Perhaps you could use a few metaphors when describing the sleeping lover, rather than just stating her physical characteristics.

One thing that my head English professor taught me when writing is this: avoid using negative words, such as not, and any compound with not in it, like 'didn't', 'couldn't', 'don't', etc. An example of this is in your line, "I don’t want to wake her but she needs to get ready for work." Instead of using 'don't,' perhaps you could say something like, "I was hesitant to wake the sleeping beauty, but she would be late for work if I allowed her to slumber much longer."

[Atlanta Carter]

This is much too short for a prologue. C.M. makes a valid point. I would say it differently, however. I think you need to "show" more. Don't sit there admiring her curves. What do they do to the narrator? How does her beauty affect him? Think of cause vs effect. Some authors say that you should never have to use the word "beautiful." Instead, describe the beauty. Also, you drift between past and present tense. It is usually a good policy to stick with past.

Also, you say it was a normal day, then you repeat the sentiment by saying "just like any other." Firstly, don't repeat like that. Secondly, you went on and told us how that day was different. It was a double anniversary. Then you describe a little and then say it is as if you have seen her before. Of course, you have - every day for the past six years.

Then I wonder, if this day is just a normal day, why are you discussing it?

I think you need to make that an extraordinary day, and describe it in an extraordinary way. This is the place where you need to hook your readers: page one. Be dynamic, poetic, active - whatever it takes.

[C.M.]

Use more inference

[C.M.]

Inference. Don't tell me its a normal day, write what would convey to me that its a normal day. (i.e. "It was a normal day" v. "The postman slid the envelopes through the brass slot just as he did every day the repetitive old bill would be delivered...etc.) ("Same beautiful woman" v. "A beauty that had not ceased in my eyes since the day we met lie next to me..." These are just off the top of my head but remember, a comedian doesn't tell you when to laugh they deliver the line that makes you.

[E. A. Fielder]

I liked it but i believe it could be a bit longer. Perhaps the main character had a nightmare that his loved one was taken from him? Still a good write and I cant wait for the next chapter

[Tina Kline]

I think this is very well written. A nice hint here of trouble to come to get the reader interested in reading more. Good job here. Very well done.

[Eye0fthebeh0lder]

I thought this was really well thought out, it hooks the reader in right from the start.
This will surely generate interest in the rest of the book :)