Razorblades

I sit in the bathroom, overwhelmed by the horrifying images rushing through my head.
    Daddy screaming. My brother trying to pick fights with me, and who could blame him for wanting attention. Mom is crying. Dad wants her to go to the bedroom, she’s not in the mood to be treated like a piece of meat. He takes me instead. He wants me to “message his back“. That’s what he tells Mom anyways. It’s always the same. I’m only 11 but I already know how to do it.
    I see the blood rushing down my legs, I see it in my mind. It’s dripping through the ridges of my brain and I feel it as it starts to gush out of my eyes along with the tears dripping down my cheeks.
    The sharp, shinny object sitting in my hand falls to the flood as my hand trembles with rage. The past keeps coming to mind, and I try to come up with reasons not to end my miserable life right this moment.
    No one is here to stop you, just do it. Slit your wrist. Place the razor at the bottom of your wrist and bring it all the way up the vein. That should do it. Go for it Mandi, things would be so much better for everyone. Think about it, you would finally be at peace.
    I cant do it, I’ve never been able to. How many times haven’t I tried and tried and never once have I been hospitalized. I just do what I do best. I bring myself physical pain to get rid of the emotional pain, the one that never ends, just lingers like a bad cold. I’m too weak, scared.
    Of what?
    I don’t know.
    There’s nothing to be scared of. Well…life. That’s scary. But dying? That’s the best that could happen sometimes.
    I begin to sob as I hold the razorblade to my right thigh.
    “Mandi, what the f**k are you doing to yourself again“?
    I stare at the voice emanating from the small girl in the full body mirror in front of me. Her long black hair flowing down her face. Her skinny body crouched on the bathroom floor, naked, vulnerable.
    “I don’t know, I don’t know what I’m f*****g doing. Just let me be. Please?
    “You’re f*****g crazy Mandi.
    My voice is no longer small, calm. I begin to yell at her with fury.
    “No. Not me. You’re the crazy one. You just sit there and you watch as everyone f***s up my life. You watch them take my innocence away from me. You let them do it. Why don’t you stop them? Why don’t you f*****g protect me?
    My hand moves the razor blade from my thigh to my wrist again.
    A cold sweat starts to break out of the tiny pores encompassing my skinny body. My big chocolaty eyes blink rapidly. My right shoulder begins to twitch uncontrollable as it usually does. I can’t take anymore. It’s too much. I need out of this spinning world that makes me dizzy every time I open my eyes.
    It’s time. With one swift motion of the tiny weapon, this girls life will end tonight. Blood pours out of the wound. I feel sick, weak. A dark, blurry figure walks into the bathroom as my eyes slowly close and the pain slips away.

Author's Note

Let me know what you think. Should I add more? Should I change something? Is it interesting?

Reviews

[Fabian G. Franklin]

Wickedly bloody good! Excellent flash fiction piece. You really capture the depression and paranoia. I thought as a work of art, it was a beautiful write. If you wanted to write more this could be an opening to a novel. It certainly grabs the reader's attention from the beginning. Your delivery was interesting and gripping. The internal dialogue is great.

[Tina Kline]

I think you should add more!
Great beginning to this tragic, emotional story.
I'd like to know how she ended so emotionally wounded and hurting to the
point she wants to kill herself, who found her, were they helpful or did
they make things worse and what happens to her after the point this story
here ends.

You have a very well written and interesting piece here and a character readers care about.
I'd say, keep writing!!!!

[jphillips]

Very compelling, the only question that come to mind is was the razor at her wrist or her thigh? I loved the debate with herself in the mirror. The story makes me want to talk to your character and give her life advice, I like that I am interested enough to want to help her.

[aljelo]

So who is the dark blurry figure? Where did all the pain begin? I'd like to know what happened next, unless you're objective was just to capture this one moment in time. Very powerful, descriptive writing. I like it.

[Xfaerie corpseX]

it is interesting and i wanna read more! i like it. it's deep and real. i'd really like to se more