I'm Gay: My Coming Out Story

    I was about 5 years old the first time I started to notice women. Lori Petty. I was watching “Free Willy” for the first time and remember getting this weird feeling in my stomach every time Lori‘s character was brought to the screen. Butterflies must have been flapping their little wings all throughout me, rubbing against the most sensitive places and making the biggest smile appear on my innocent face. I watched that movie at least twice a day after that, just to see her.
    Thinking back, I try to envision all the possibilities before homosexuality. Was I infatuated because she was beautiful and I admired her and wanted to be like her when I grew up? Did I just think she was too cool because she had such an astonishing animal friend and such an amazing job and I wished I could do that too. But then I think further ahead to the 5th grade. Oh my God! Ms. Strauss. Beautiful, strong, her silky blonde hair flowing down her beautiful freckled face. The way she placed her strong yet soft hands on my shoulder and stood behind me while she gave me some extra help with math, made me so nervous it gave me goose bumps.
    Now I was 10 and I knew that two guys or two girls being together was called gay. I also knew gay was a word that mean kids call you when they don’t like you. So of course I forced myself to push that word and any thought of it way back into the deep crevices of my mind where it became entangled in the thick, sticky cobwebs that encompassed the area. She was just a really nice teacher that I like very much, in a non platonic way.
    Middle school was different. I, as well as my peers were maturing, going through puberty, curiosity began rushing through our heads, and if like me you were molested the summer before school started, you’d be all kinds of confused, vulnerable. There was a girl in my art class, she suffered a similar pain. She started out being my tambourine man. She had the hook-up. In that little baggie she had the power to make all my problems go away for a few hours at least. One day that baggie was dry, no weed, but she could get some from her older brother. We ditched school at lunch and went to her place. Yeah, he had the stuff and even better, a lot more expensive. We both took a few hits and to the clouds we went.
    Lying on her bed, relaxed, our eyes bloodshot and puffy, she starts caressing my hair, my face and my breasts, telling me how beautiful I am. It feels good, I want more. She asks me to take off my shirt, I do. She asks me to take off my pants, I do. I would do just about anything she asked of me right now, and I did. Every time I went over, I did. I never called her my girl. We never belonged to one another, we simply understood each other. I haven’t seen her in years, but she holds a very special place in my heart to this day.
    I’m 20 years old now, and as I grasp the concept of homosexuality, I realize we weren’t sent to this world to fight in unreasonable wars, but to love with all of our strength and it shouldn’t matter if I love a man or a woman, as long as there is love.

Author's Note

I'm a serious writer, please critique harshly, hold nothing back. I would really like to improve my writing dramatically.

Reviews

[Sheila Marie Carr]

What a beautiful story, I believe love is...no matter what, how or with whom love is love and the fact that you knew that there were something at a young age says a lot. I believe in being who you are and true to who you are, love has no boundaries and it is not prejudice
So live your life to the fullest and love whomever you please, just as long as you are happy

[The Old Ashes]

I am a firm believer that Love is Love no matter where it's found.
People will choose their lifestyle, and that SHOULD be their own freedom to do so.
Something they can do free of judgment.
It is wrong that the government thinks it's okay to place boundaries on love.
Nothing can stop who you fall in love with. Not age, shape, size, height, color, distance, location, and in your case, even gender.
Sparks is what decides who we love.
You are a strong girl and your coming out story was strong. Very brave of you to share here, I salute you.
Will keep you in my thoughts. Best wishes.
100/100
-Ashes

[Deaths Cold Kiss]

This is an amazing story, I love it, and I do agree with you, as long as there is love, it does not matter if it is with a man or a woman.

[Eloise]

Wow, I complement you on your bravery for telling your story. Very well written and heart felt. I would like it very much if you review my story Gone because it is loosly based around what occured in my life.
-Eloise

[Comatose]

Wow, this is so touching...I loved it. Very well written. ^^

[bob, small b. aka invs]

first of all, i want to say that you've expressed yourself very well and i sympathize with the pain and confusion that you went through getting to this point in your life. adolesence is hard enough to go through without added pressures to conform in ways you simply can't. it sounds like you've come through it all with your head in tact and for that i congratulate you.

now, you wanted critique.... the last paragraph presents a few problems for me. first of all, the comment about fighting in 'unreasonable wars' pretty much came out of the blue. it's the only political comment in a very non-political piece of writing and to me it seems out of place, even though i completely agree with it. my other problem with the last paragraph is that i think it needs expanding. it seems like a quick ending without explanation. it's like creating a whole, intricate story and then simply saying " and they lived happily ever after. the end." it simply needs more support. i hope you understand what i mean.

one last thought. there was a popular poet/songwriter in the 60s and 70s named Rod McKuen. he would close his concerts with this statement (i believe i remember it correctly): "in the end, it's not important who you loved, or how you loved, it's THAT you loved."

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I first applaud you for telling such an intimate time of your life and dealing with your emotions that come from societies closed mindedness... I really like it for it can help others still struggling with their sexuality and know they are not alone... I myself am not gay but my younger brother is... me and my mom knew even though he would never come out and say anything, he knew we would not care in the least but it was fear of what my closed mined father would think. We always saw the signs and waited for him to let it out cause it was evident it was eating him up a bit. He finally did and is now free being who he is and that is what matters. So thank you for sharing.

[Eye0fthebeh0lder]

I loved this story, especialy the part about love being love no matter who it's with. Great job.

[E. A. Fielder]

Yay! I love this story it made me smile! I am not homosexual but I remember I had a friend in high school that was and her parents were religious fanatics and everyday she would come to school crying because her mom had said something about how her feelings towards women were evil. I believe people should be comfortable being who they are and not worry about what society throws at them.

[Patrick Gerlits]

I know you want critique but there really is much I can poke any holes in. You managed to get your point across and told a story that meant something to you. GJ.

[Koeseki]

Good, though more setting detail could be used on the 4th and 5th paragraphs.