Empty Sound

Sometimes the city is too bright.

          Silence, an empty sound rang through her head as she watched, eyes not wide, but calm with knowing pain. She knew this was conspiring behind her back, she’d seen the sketches of it unfold before her eyes.

 

          Her hand in his, their fingers laced together. She was smiling, laughing, and he was too, a genuine smile. A smile she used to be able to give him. A smile he used to give only to her. But now he was exposing it to another.

 

          She watched, eyes still calm, as he pulled her under a tree to escape the darkening sky and they looked at each other. Such a gaze, full of want, of need…true, undiluted desire. Of love and understanding. A look stronger then she had ever shared with him.

 

          The two leaned in and their lips graced each other as she stared, but still, her eyes were calm. She had seen this coming. She had seen their brushes of hands, their silent looks, even their quick, innocent pecks on the cheek. But then, as if nothing had happened, he’d return to her and all would be “normal” and “happy”.

 

          What are normal and happy anyway? She had not a clue. Normal should be a repetition of actions, the same thing over and over again, but yet nothing was ever the same. There was no normal. And what is happy? The lack of sadness, of loneliness, of despair? A feeling of just joy? How could someone feel only one emotion, when the human psyche was so complex?

 

          She didn’t know, and she never would. She simply watched as they kissed, as two pairs of lips melted into one, as soul entangled through their breaths. It was far deeper a kiss then she could imagine ever being given.

 

          Was this love, what she was seeing? She thought what she had once had was love. She thought her need for him, for his touch, his adoration, was love? Her inability to move on, was this not love? Her inability to admit the truth, that he was going to leave her for this girl, was that not love? Or blindness caused by it?

 

          Confused, she watched, still calm, as they parted and smiled softly. The rain had begun to fall, but she didn’t care. She could get as wet as the ocean, drown in the soft raindrops, it mattered not to her now. Only the romance unfolding before her mattered. They kept their gaze for a moment, then stepped, hand in hand again, into the rain. It pelted them, and yet they didn’t care. They were too engulfed in each other, in their mere company.

 

          How could this be? How could this be love? He had told her he loved her, just last night, over the phone. Had it been empty? Had his voice, so drone, been a lie? Why did he keep her near, when he kept this girl even closer? Did he hate her? Did he want to use her?

 

          No, he had loved her. He had needed her as she needed him once upon a day, but that day was not today. He had found someone he needed more. Perhaps on accident, in fact yes, it was unintentional. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her. But now, she was. It was inevitable. She had to be hurt.

 

          Her eyes finally lost their calm, widened as she saw his mouth move in the shape of words she knew so well. “I love you.” He loved her now, this girl, and suddenly she was a thing of his past. This present, this future held nothing for her.

 

          She felt all the love leave her body. She had been betrayed, and even if unintentional, it had still occurred. She was empty, and it was unbearable. Even these few seconds were too much for her to stand.

 

          She walked through the rain, water drenching her wary body. She cared not. Who did she have left to impress?

 

          She walked off the grass to the sidewalk, and as she had hoped, he looked back. Their eyes met, and in that instant, there was love. But it blew out just as the rain blew out of the sky. There was nothing left for them. And he was sorry, it shone in his eyes, but he couldn’t forsake perhaps his future life’s happiness for a broken love.

 

          She smiled at him. It was all she could bare. That instant, with that gaze and smile as her final good-bye, she threw herself to the side, feet tripping on the slick blacktop. Instantly, her body was impaled by a speeding shape, a vehicle, and she was left broken on the street.

 

          She knew it would scar him, but she couldn’t stop herself. She couldn’t live knowing he was no longer hers. And she could never bear to share him. This was for the best, and him seeing it was the only way she could get this message across. As she lay bloody and broken, the sound, the screams and cries around her began to fade. Soon, her body, empty of love, was fill with silence, that empty sound. It was for the better. She’s rather be full of silence than nothing at all…