Game Of Love

She looks at him unable to look away. Hes so sexy! She plays with him and watches him with her wide open! He falls for her tricks.

Hey sexy
You want to play?

I cant help but notice
You looking right at me.

Your big brown eyes
Meeting mine for the first time.

Oh God!
You are so sexy!

You're given me that perfect smile
Showing those gorgeous white teeth.

I cant help but stare
And gasp for air!

You stand proudly
Showing off your muscular body.

Oh how I wish
You were mine!

You look like a god
From up above.

I looked away
But it was hard to stay away.

I felt your eyes
Beating on the back of my head.

I turned around
And met your gaze once again

We stood there
Watching each other....

And then it happened!
He moved in
And kissed me.

The kiss was sweet
And such a treat!

My hands
Wrapped around his precious neck.

I couldnt believe
That this was happening.

I had fallen for his little game
Called love.

...And now
He was all mine!

Author's Note

OK I just wrote this, but I dont know if it even makes any sense. If it needs work please tell me and give me advice. Thank You

Reviews

[Wolfe Greytome]

This is a wonderful piece. Deep and intense, yet still playful and innocent. As has already been stated, choosing one tense or the other could help heighten the overall effect, but I personally feel that the changing tenses add to the charm of this piece. In terms of technical advice, all I can give in regard to this particular piece is to take a look at your word choices. While your wording is solid and gets your point across, I think you may be able to tweak your lines just a bit to to take the entire piece from good to great.

[MissWordSmith]

interesting...! didn't have that typical we gazed and gazed and gazed now goodnight and adios feeling to it!

There's something very naive and vulnerable about this poem and that's exactly why i like it :)

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

It is a great poem. Thanks for sharing. :D. It makes sense. Trust me

[Havatara]

I agree with Scarlet Pulse. If you stayed in present tense the entire poem it would be way awesome. Like instead of:
"You looked like a god
From up above."
You could have:
"You look like a god
From up above."
Same for the second half of the poem. I know how easy it is to slip in past tense, since most writers write that way, but things have so much more impact when they're in present tense! Keep trying and I'm sure you'll perfect this poem.

[Scarlet Pulse]

Hey Manda,
this poem is fun and playful, and cool. You write in many different tenses and persons, so if you stick to one tense I think it would clarify a little better. If you want to do two voices, like the top line the girl's voice the bottom line the guys voice that would be cool and fun to play around with too. Great start. If you want any more advice let me know. Good job.