Invisible To The Naked Eye

Her friend gave her a picture of him. He was so beautiful and she loved him. He was everything she wanted... But she could never have him.

As I lie in bed
I look at the picture of you...
        ~*~
You're beautiful
So damn beautiful
        ~*~
You have light brown hair
And big brown eyes
        ~*~
You have a smile of an angel
And when ever I see it my heart melts
        ~*~
You're so damn tall
And your body is so muscular
        ~*~
God your SEXY
And I cant help but think...
        ~*~
God why couldnt you give him to me
Why must I be invisible to the naked eye
I love him
And I know just maybe he could learn to love me too
        ~*~
I set the picture back on the table
And closed my eyes
        ~*~
I began to dream
I began to feel the love inside me
        ~*~
How I dreaded these feelings
All they ever did was make me want to cry
And torture me inside...
                ~*~
We were laying together on the sand
He was playing with my light blonde hair
And singing a little lullaby
We watched the sun set across the lake
It was beautiful
The sun's radiant colors painting the sky
....
        ~*~
I continued dreaming
Even though it killed me inside
        ~*~
I loved him
I really did
But he would never love me
        ~*~
I would never be his angel
Or his girlfriend
        ~*~
Just another girl
Invisible to the naked eye...

Author's Note

I dont care about flow or grammar. I just wrote this because I was bored. I am trying to raise my rating so if you dont like it or needs work and you would rate it poorly dont bother to rate. Criticism would be nice along with positive feedback! Thanks!

Reviews

[*Kantola*]

God, I know this feeling oh so much... I have people that like me, and people that I like, but they're only people that talk to me. That's what makes me feel beautiful: knowing that there are people that know me that make me feel beautiful.
I know what it feels like to be unnoticed...
i loved this piece, i can truly relate to it!!! :D

[Scarlet Pulse]

The beginning of the poem was so peaceful and nice. The emotional changed so fast. I really liked the line invisible to the naked eye. Its very powerful. I really enjoyed this poem.

[Jess.]

I can so relate to this. Nice piece.

[Emily]

There is always someone who makes us feel as though we are invisible. And sometimes, when they do finally see us, we don't need them in our lives anymore. Someone will come along who will see you from day one and make you feel as though that is more meant to be than anything else could be. Don't give up hope, but do not waste too much time awaiting the boy who doesn't see you. The right one will see you right away.

Nice, short write. This is emotional and well written. Do look up the rule for 'lay' and "lie" -- for two reason, you are using it incorrectly, and it is always good to know because the rules are strange and will make everything smoother if you use them the right way :-) But those are little grammar things, they take away slightly from the flow but do not diminish the writing in this piece.

Nice work.

[Tate Morgan]

The day will come when you stop obsessing on this man and you will look back and say thank god hes gone lol That is what you should wish for here

[deeps]

Enjoyable read here!
I like this. Wonderful write.
I know you don't care about the flow, But the flow was amazing as well.
This was awesome!

[Ama May Cooper]

i liked this..although it seemed more like some sick twisted stalkers poem a nd a love poem lol but that might be hte intention either way it was rather enjoyable to read x

[Havatara]

I loved it. It's happened a lot to friends of mine, but not really to me. Yet =)

[Poetic Beauty]

I love the last line of this poem. It is great that you use poetry for your emotional venting. That is a great way to get your feelings out in a constructive way.

[PaperHearts]

Nice write! Powerfully expressed emotions and a relatable backstory. I liked the rhythm of your poem and the way you balanced the short stanzas with the longer ones. Just watch your tenses; you tend to go back and forth between past and present tense. :P I liked the whole concept of 'invisible to the naked eye'. Nice work,
~PaperHearts