Dying

She cant eat, it only makes her sick. She is weak and two skinny. She is dying...

Her body weak

And restless

Trying to fight away this unknown illness

She is unable to eat

Her voice is mute

For she is unable to speak

The words she tries to write

Simply fade away

Nobody will ever know what she meant to say

She lays in bed..

Not able to take one step

Her body weighing less than a limb on a tree

It is a slow and painful death

Her illness is undentified

No medicine will help

This mysterious death

She wishes this would end

And go back to being herself

She wants to be able to hear the sound of her voice

But she knows that this wont end

And she is left here

Dying...

Author's Note

Tell me what you think... This was kind of happening to me at one point in time (only i wasnt dying)

Reviews

[Star Shyne]

Oh my, that was really sad..

"Her voice is mute
For she is unable to speak
The words she tries to write
Simply fade away
Nobody will ever know what she meant to say"

i especially liked this part ^^^^^^

Anorexia? Yeah. I know how you feel. It hurts-bad. I can tell the feelings from this-really loud and eloquent

[Alicante lullaby]

not eating,its terrible,happens to me when i get depressed,loved how you expressed such an agonising state in words,try thinking positive,whiff some fresh air,,,,

[Bullet Soul]

This poem has great ideas behind it, and clearly speaks of a struggle, both with her body and herself. I think some of your lines would sound better if the words were changed around. For example, instead of "for she is unable to speak" you could try "Try as she might, she cannot speak," or something of the sort. Just an idea! Don't be afraid to add more words to each line if it makes the emotion and the words seem stronger and have more affect on the reader. However, I really did enjoy reading this. Thanks for sharing! :)

[Dakota]

same! i can't eat and if i try i feel like dying in a coner.
although my boyfriend trys to help. and my friend jenny trys too
but either way i love the poem.
i hate not eating


*adds to favorites*

[Scarlet Pulse]

I like some parts from the original, maybe take both poems, and what you think are strong lines of each and combine them. You use language that I don't think fits. Like: "For she will throw it up". The strong lines in this poem are "Her body is weak", "The magical sensation she felt", and more. I like the ending of the first poem better. Good metaphor used "weighing as much as a limb on a tree". There are some strong parts in both poems.

[.nicole.]

I have alway loved poems the explain what goes on in someones mind when they are going through something like this. it was very good, you could maybe just expand on the feelings a bit

[deeps]

Such a pwerful write here, very emotional, but well expressed!

[Wolfe Greytome]

A powerful piece. Hard hitting impact behind the words, which keeps the reader hooked. Very Well Done!!!!!

[Scarlet Pulse]

To other reader's: We shouldn't assume that the poem is about the writer. We call it the "speaker" of the poem.
The word "just" can be taken out. When you read the line without the "just" it is almost the same.
See if you can take out some of the "I" and "is".. like in the line My skin is pale.... "My skin pale" (if you like the way it sounds).
I like the line break with And I am left here/ dying. It makes the reader pause, and look onto the next line, and ends with a bang, shock.
You may be able to use more imagery, to make the reader actually feel the dying.
The idea is great, real, and it is a battle people go through. Great start.