I'm Not Ok...

He didn't want her to be afraid. He just wanted her to be happy... He comforted her...trying to end her fears

I laid there on the cold hard floor

In terrible pain

And my heart broken

I couldnt stand

I was weak

And I felt fear

I brought my hands to my face

Covering any signs of tears

As I cried

I suddenly felt someones hand touch my cold skin

As I moved my hands away from my face

I looked up to see a boy

Wearing ripped blue jeans

And had long silky black hair

He sat down right next to me

And wiped away my tears

He moved his gaze to mine

And stared into my hopeless eyes

As I watch his eyes on mine

I could tell that he was afraid, worried, and confused

Nobody had ever seen me break down until now

I just couldnt fight these tears anymore

And I didnt care if anybody saw me cry

I didnt have the strength to hold it in anymore

I continued to lay there

I felt so cold now...

I wrapped my arms around myself to warm my frigid body

The boy sitting next to me looked at me

And saw that I was shivering

So he moved closer toward me

Than he rapped his hands around my body

Trying to comfort me

His body was very warm

I rested my head on his shoulder

And closed my eyes

Just laying on him

Still and silent

Not saying one word...

We were all alone..

And I was so scared

And I just wasnt ok

Reviews

[Wolfe Greytome]

Not only is it still good - it is even better. Now this piece literally exudes the feeling I have come to associate with your work. I must say that somewhere amidst all your tweaking, you managed to find the missing something.

[Wolfe Greytome]

Now that is a lot better. Now it feels right.

[Wolfe Greytome]

Better - however, I still don't feel it. The emotions are there. The rhythm is there. But something is still missing.

[Wolfe Greytome]

I'm not sure about this one. The emotion is there, but something about this piece just feels wrong - it almost feels forced. While still a good piece, I can't say that this is among your best.