Dying Of Fear

He loves her so much. He wipes away her tears. Protects her from the fears. He is always there. He worries about her...Her pain hurts him.

He wipes the tears away

And asks me whats wrong

Listening to my shaking voice

He sees I am terrified

My face is a ghostly white...

He touches my face preciously

It is very cold...

He hugs me tightly, afraid to let go 

Kissing my trembling lips

Trying to comfort me

Trying to end this fear of mine

He is afraid...

Never has he seen such misery

He picks me up with both hands

He is very warm

It comforts me and softens my frozen body

He carries me to his room

Laying me on his bed

Covering me with many blankets

He slowly walks over to me

And lays right there beside me

He wraps his arms around my frigid body

He coninues to hold me

Trying to warm my soul

I am frozen

I am petrified...

I keep seeing things

People are dying around me

They are screaming in horror

I screamed

I never felt such horror

I could feel my heart beating

It was slowing though...

I felt so cold

The tears start to fall again

I feel something warm on my face 

He was wiping the tears away

I look at his face...

He was worried

He was afraid...

I felt so bad...

I was laying here on his bed

Dying of fear

And he was still right there beside me

I grabbed his hand and brought it to where my heart was

He doesnt want to lose me

He doesnt want this to be the end

He is trying so hard

Loving me as much as he can

He kisses me again my lips still trembling

I listen to him talk

His voice so beautiful

Something Ill miss very much when I go

He still is holding me close to his side

I start shaking more fiercely

I become very frozen...

Unable to move

Unable to speak

I look at him once more

Then I close my eyes for the last time...

This was going to be the end...

 

 

Reviews

I feel like I can relate to this in some ways.
The guy in my life, he tries everything he can to make everything better, but there are some things you just can't forget or get past, no matter how hard you try. he gets upset when it doesn't always work, but it's not him, it's just me. I suppose it's just the way I am.

I'd like to see a little more imagery in this, but otherwise, it's a good write.

[Nicole]

Reading this again.. I still feel the same.
I really liked this. :)

[ebur™]

Wow. I felt very touched by this like I could actually feel the emotions circulating around me. but I do wish I could have seen more of what the guy in the poem was feeling. Well done! :)

[Nicole]

This reminded me of the song, Miss Murder from AFI.
I really enjoyed this.
And I agree with Phalen Schulyer.
I did feel like I could relate in some ways.
I've hade my ups and downs with my boyfriend, but he always tried to make up.
And I can see he is, but its just so hard to forget some of the things that happen.
Thanks for sharing.

[Wolfe Greytome]

definite improvement so far....keep it up.

[Jess.]

I like this! Makes me wish I had a guy like that in my life....

[Bullet Soul]

I think you've captured the center of every girl's dream in this poem. I agree that more imagery might greatly improve your poem, along with more emotion - you tell us what he does, you show us his emotional and affectionate side - but why not show us yours? Since there are two people in this poem, you and this guy, it seems like both of you should have an equal amount of emotion. But other than that, definitely a great write! You made me long to have someone like that in my life!

[Elizabeth Marie O'neil-..]

I love the changes you made. It really drew a picture in my mind. =D

[Wolfe Greytome]

"kissing my trembling lips of mine" - you might want to look at that line again...the blatant redundancy of my and mine causes a large hiccup in the flow of the piece.

[Wolfe Greytome]

Another very well done piece. Again, you seem to have issues with word choices, which leads to a lack of clarity throughout the work. However, the piece stands quite well as it is.

[deeps]

I like it, but i wouldn't call yourself cold hearted,
But it fits in with the type of write you are writing
So keep it. Flows wonderful, so emotional.