All Into Dust Unto Dust We Return,

Here is the beginning of it all.

Finiat Venuint Adhuc is the story of a nameless young woman and the saga of her disturbed life. Her very life is intertwined within my own; she has appeared in my dreams and haunted them for years. The young woman was born premature with cocaine in her system, she never had a chance to be normal for she was the runt of the litter and lived a very dismal life in squalid conditions and was picked on by her siblings viciously for being the weakest one. Her life plays in my dreams like an endless saga of pain and misery that I can never escape, each time the young woman would appear she would suffer unbelievable torment at the hands of family and peers and I would physically feel every punch or kick before awakening in sheer agony and not being able to move let alone go to school. My dreams are vivid and lucid and I cannot bring myself to deny you any details. This is an excerpt from the very beginning of Finiat Venuint Adhuc.

Page 1. Dreams of death and destruction centered on someone who is innocent of sin. Tormenting her soul with the mocking glare of hatred and bloodshed at the hands of some enigma of Pain and Horror. Colder than death she lies before me, alive but dead all the same. She stares into eternity with beautiful icy blue eyes they gaze into the abyss of Despair. Frozen in time she dwells in her own Agony for she can find no escape. Blood and Death fill her nostrils for the carnage are ever present and smothering the life out of everything, Crimson has gloved her hands and has been spilled across the land. It all shatters upon her like razor blades, slicing and opening wounds upon her flesh and soul and consumes her in a ball of fiery rage.

A somber requiem softly soothing, big ice blue eyes staring into the distance, wild flowers dance in the breeze and small hands clasp around a few and gently uproot them. Softly swaying in the breeze as the smell of their sweet aroma causes a mouth to smile and the mimicking of the swaying wildflowers before silence, a sigh of happiness before the chill of sadness flows forth and gently sweeps past and blows the flowers as they sway in that direction. Center of attention, Lighting up a room with her mere presence as infinite beauty captivates all, none can resist her charisma and charm. Gorgeous in her elegance and grace she dances alone, her soft locks of hair swiftly drift upon her movements as her dress follows flawlessly. Her ice blue eyes shimmer but alas she is alone. Nobody to share in her loving sweetness, her innocent desire for a companion denied by the cold realm in which she dwells, Sadness overwhelms all for she floats upon her own loneliness, Joy overshadowed with despair a lonely maiden drifts in a sea of anguish before being cast upon the rocks of misery. A scapegoat to whoever decides to blame her she lays secluded form others as the resentment overflows. She loses control of it all and spirals towards the abyss. She descends into the arms of sorrow and dangles mere inches above the gaping maw of the abyss. All seems lost, everything is closing in and it all is falling apart around her. Salvation is all she desires, but fate has not been kind enough to permit such clemency.

All is lost as she dangles helpless above the abyss of her own making, darkness swirls below as the monsters inside her fragile mind are birthed from the mass of misery and they beckon to her in their demonic chant and soon are reaching for her. "Join us dear girl, all your pain will be lifted away when we devour you!" Clawed hands and deformed appendages grab at her feet, missing by inches but getting closer. Roars and squawks emit from the abyss before dead silence, she knew what was coming but could not escape as the king of her demons rose in flames and bellowed angrily at her. He was very familiar; he was her father in his drunken stupor of blind red-hot rage he would strike only to take it back in regret when sobriety hit him like a truckload of cement. The beast had her father's face but something was wrong, it was contorted and monstrous as one side cocked a smile and the other frowned in a rage but suddenly they began to battle one another for domination just as her father did when he was trying to decide which addiction he would feed today.

And then it was gone, everything vanished and she stood in the middle of her older siblings and their friends on the school playground, which was her usual place of beatings. Her siblings and their friends were all were much bigger than her and constantly made it clear that she was not wanted or that she was an accident that could not be gotten rid of. Everything spun about as the taunts and insults swarm around her and flashbacks overwhelm the young girl. Would the horror ever end?

Page 2. Jolting awake she jerks before staring in silence at the ceiling. It was all a horrible dream; all the pain and suffering she relived every night was all a horrid flashback of her life not long ago. Her entire life was a lie, she could believe nothing she had been told and refused to accept the reality of her situation. She was a shattered soul and seemed destined for a life of misery, as she lay on her bed in pure fear of what was to come. Tired and weary she lay awake for the rest of the night, too afraid to sleep and unsure of what would happen to her if she left her room.

Dawn peaked over the horizon and that was the motivation for her to venture out of her room, she looked in horror to unfamiliar surroundings and the shock set in as the girl wandered aimlessly unsure of where she was. She stared down past the cherry banister and down to the tile floor, a happy Borzoi was jumping about furniture and her master was chasing her, “Come here Sasha you will wake her up! Oh hello dear, did you sleep well?” said a man in disheveled clothing with a stain of jelly on the collar and ruffled blonde hair who appeared in his mid 30’s but still looked very young as his happy crimson eyes glimmered with happiness, as if he actually wanted her to be there, a smile reached across the man’s face from ear to ear in genuine happiness as the girl walked down stairs and asked, “Who are you and where am I?” “Well I am Saigo and you live with me now, your parents are not good for you, your siblings are with their parents but you appear to be an orphan so the courts allowed you to live with me and I will adopt you soon since your parents lost their rights.

 Would you like to live with Sasha and I?” the girl thought about it and weighed the options in her mind, “Well, no smell of decay, no more siblings being mean to me, no more starving for days on end, no more beatings for stuff I didn’t do, 3 square meals a day that I can stomach… I think I will stay a while…” the girl smiled at Saigo and suddenly asked, “Do you know my name Mr. Saigo?” Saigo pondered it for a moment and sighed, “Your paperwork stated that you in fact do not have a legal first name, so I guess I will call you Lamb, is that okay?” Lamb thought it over and laughed with glee, “I love it! Lamb! My name is Lamb!” lamb jumped with glee and then tapped Saigo, “then if my first name is Lamb, what is my last name?” “ Your last name is Spyridoula. That’s a cool name if you ask me.” Lamb smiled, “Lamb Spyridoula. I finally have a name!” she hugged Saigo and squealed, “Can I call you dad?” Saigo smiled as a tear welled in his right eye and dropped at the realization that he could finally be a dad, “Sure you can Lamb-chop.”

Page 3.I lie awake this evening imagining how life could have been if I had lived anywhere else. I still have flashbacks to this day of this trauma; I can’t explain this feeling very well but I would have to say it is eating me alive. Misery is my company as it has never failed to ruin my life or has never left my side when I was abandoned in a hospital room at death’s door. I guess misery is my only friend. Well I have friends too, but misery seems to be our mutual friend. That and despair, despair suffocates us with it’s toxic smog.

I have a secret for you, but you cannot tell anyone. I was at my counselor’s office playing puzzle with a blonde toddler girl and a small boy, both were related and the puzzle had about 1000 pieces and I was focused on it while my new friends were handing me the pretty pieces. I was laughing and giggling until a boy walked in, but I did not mind him as he was tall and very thin like myself as he had long hair and very pale skin but his cheeks were rosy and he had very beautiful eyes and he looked my way and spun around and his reflection in a toy mirror showed he was pinker than the dress the toddler girl was wearing. He was dressed like an aristocrat and he looked as if he was foreign.

The boy had a very soft and very sweet voice as he tenderly asked the attendant when his appointment was and she said, “11:30” I looked at the clock and it reading, “7:58” he had a man standing behind him with short blonde hair and a very mean look on his face as we locked eyes he cracked a smirk that scared me as I quickly turned and stared at my new caseworker afterward, his name is Gin. It is very strange though, he has a burning passion and drive to help me at all costs and I have to say it feels good that somebody actually cares. I met him a while ago at an ice cream shop, he is the only reason I am at my new home and he actually convinced the judge to take me away and possibly saved my life. I thank him every day for that, and I give nicknames to people I love and I call him Fox. I see him sometimes with a fluffy foxtail but nobody believes me, but he always panics when I mention it so I think he is a spirit fox or something.

Page 4. Some people call me crazy but I think I thought I was all right until Mister Gin picked me up at about 6 this morning and told me he has a friend who wants to talk to me. I overheard them speaking about me and using words like, “troubled, damaged,” I just wandered away as I felt that I may hear the words, “insane asylum” after a while. When they finished talking they led me to this bright blue office with children and teens alike sitting and looking at the pictures on the wall and I just wondered if I was already at the asylum.

I decided to be a tad friendly to pass the time to I established a note system via toddler as she ran to the boy and gave him a piece of my pink notebook paper as the man with him looked at me and had the same expression as before as I almost panicked as the boy read my greeting in a hushed whisper, “Hi there stranger! I heard you have an appointment a while from now and I thought I would be friendly.” He smiled and quickly replied and gave the paper back and the jubilant tot sprinted at me and bumped into my chest and gave the note back. It had little sticky fingerprints and I realized she was eating pineapple slices with her brother and he was sharing with the boy.

While I read I heard the man speak, he had a deep thick accent and would switch in and out from German as he and the boy had a conversation and I noticed they would look around and in my directions but I just looked at the note and the reply was, “Hi. How are you?” I smiled as the toddler just wandered about and hugged me before running to a female in a blue suit. It turned out she was also with social services and a family who lived by us was adopting the children. It was nice that they were getting a happy home too.

I felt happy as a shiny rod poked out from the boy’s pant leg as he quickly covered it up and the man put a hat on, it was black and looked like the one’s military people wear and he had a strange broken cross pendant on the left pocket over his breast. I did not have much time to study it as the boy had wandered over and sat by me before poking me without warning, causing a squeak to escape that made us chuckle. He put on a knit cap with a puffball on top and two others that dangled on strings as he smiled and asked me about my morning.

“I feel pretty happy today, making friends and waiting to see a counselor.” I replied with a grin before biting my tongue as I saw the boy’s assumed parent looking at me as if I had met him before. I admit he looks familiar but I won’t focus on it because he is a pretty scary guy regardless. The boy extended a gloved hand and shook mine and with a smile he replied, “Well my happy acquaintance my name is Tep. What is yours if I may ask?” I looked with a bit of shock and said softly since I really don’t want his dad to know my name just in case I have met him, I don’t want to trigger his memory. “Lamb. Lamb Spyridoula is my name. But my friends just call me Lamb or Lamb-chop.” He nodded and whispered back, “So does that mean we are friends?” I thought about it and nodded.

Page 5. One by one the children were called in and within an hour or so, each child was leaving with a toy. It was only 10 am and Tep and I were growing bored so a fast paced game of rock paper scissors ensued as Tep seemed determined to win a few times but then again I never knew I was any good until he taught me how to play. Eventually I became hungry as shown by my stomach growling like the mangy junkyard dogs that lurked around my old home if I can call it that. The clock struck 11 and the counselor opened the door as Tep and I were playing a complexly strategically intense game of tic tack toe. We kept tying and the counselor waited until I won and squealed and Tep clapped and his father shot him a look and he just became silent as I looked back and he shot me the same look and I sat quietly and Tep lowered his head and I wrote him a note and passed it before I had to leave with the counselor.

She was blonde and had green eyes and a pretty dress on with matching makeup. She had a southern accent and she took me to a lavender purple room and it even smelled like it. She introduced herself; her name is Sandra; and I did the same and she tried to coax me into sharing personal bits, and after her sharing that her father hit her mother and eventually her mother shot him to death when he tried to harm Sandra so I felt that I had to share so I started at the beginning.

At first she seemed calm, but as I went on the blood and color left her face and she seemed as if she was going to vomit. When I finished she hugged me tight and said how sorry she was and she assured me my new family would not do anything like that and suddenly I heard my mother screaming, “GIVE ME BACK MY BABY!” and I almost jumped out the window but I saw her boyfriend lurking outside the window with a nasty looking wrench or crowbar shouting for something so I just hid under the desk as Sandra called the police and to my surprise I heard my Saigo shouting for them to leave or be arrested and once they did he ran in the door and saw I was okay and smiled, “Hey lamb chop, you okay?” I nodded and he nodded and told me that we were going to get some ice cream with Gin after the appointment.

Once the shock died down Sandra just sat there for a moment in deep thought as she tapped a pen on her clipboard and seemed at a loss for words. She finally composed herself and softly said, “Well dear, thank you for sharing so much information with me. It makes it easier to give you a resolution; well I will see you in 17 to 21 days but I fear there is not much I can do for you during this session.” She sighed and it did not faze me since I have heard that many times before. I guess it is my coldness when recounting this trauma is what shocks them so much but I feel numb to many things.

Page 6. It was noon when the session was over and I saw Sandra give my foster parents a card to a child psychiatrist and I saw Tep standing alone and looking a tad depressed so I decided to give him a boost and so I walked over and poked him, he perked up and smiled before we high fived and Saigo smiled and was considering the child psychiatrist before and finally consented after he was sure that the counselor was going to be a woman and so in the meanwhile I was arm-wrestling with Tep, he was winning but he relented and let me win and so afterward I poked at him saying, “Ha! If I didn’t know you better I’d swear you have a robot arm!” he looked shocked and grinned, “Close my new friend, very close. I have a Prosthetic arm; it is the latest invention from the military. The only reason I received one is that my mother’s new boyfriend basically runs the show. That and a nice girl actually fundraised through the local bakery down the road to pay as well. I feel lucky to have this arm!” it instantly clicked, that girl was me so with a squeal I hugged him and said without taking a breath, “I was fundraising last summer for you! I thought I would never meet you! Gosh I saved a life!” I hopped a bit before Tep picked me up off my feet in a bear hug and he twirled me and with glee, “That’s awesome! I can’t believe it was you who saved my life! I owe you one!”

 I laughed as Saigo overheard and smiled before he showed off a bit and I heard Mister Gin’s congratulations and he walked in smiling as I picked up my bag and pulled out a desert bin of sorts and I offered everyone a dessert and I set the bin down to allow others to grab one and I noticed Tep's dad looking a tad grim so I offered him a brownie and he accepted but walked away to eat it as I hugged Tep and he showed me his prosthetic arm and even detached it so I could hold it. It looked and felt almost real as I squeaked and helped Tep put it back in its place.

Once the formalities died down a bit I invited Tep to get ice cream with us and his father did not really care and he said to be back by dark so I raced him to the car and he whipped out crutches as if he were a ninja and beat me there as he basically launched himself in front of me in a sense. On the way there Tep and I battled each other in an intense match of I Spy. “I spy with my little eye… something delicious.” Tep replied with a smirk as I thought and laughed, “Ah! I know what you are looking at! You are looking at the doughnut covered in chocolate that is in MY hand! Wait, why is there a half missing?” Tep had chocolate on the corners of his mouth and he had his cheeks bursting with MY doughnut.

I folded my arms and huffed before pouting, “So Tep. You want to know what I spy?” Tep nodded and I glared at him playfully, “I spy a DOUGHNUT EATING STEALER!” and a poking battle was initiated as we entered the parking lot. It continued all the way through our time there, and it did not end until we dropped Tep off and he poked my face and scurried inside as the sun began to set and I let out a squeal of aggravation as we drove home and I plotted my revenge. I wandered inside and was met with a happy borzoi named Sasha who jumped on me and I carried her to the kitchen and set her by her food bowl and fed her, then I ran upstairs and was met with a Tep in my window,

“Tep!” I opened the window and he climbed in and hugged me again as he smiled, “Mom let me hang out with you tonight, hope your folks don’t mind.” He closed the window as I went and told Saigo the news and Saigo looked at Tep, whose expression seemed more like a puppy that got in trouble than anything else as he peeked out and laughed and allowed Tep to stay. I squealed and took him back to my room and set up a blow up bed and he laid down and I threw a blanket on him and a pillow and once he set up his bed he poked me in my sweet spot, right in my side. A loud squeal echoed through the home and Sasha ran upstairs and I opened the door to let her in as she mauled Tep with loving licks as if getting to know him like that.

After a while we both became bored after a couple hours of poking, I Spy, and many other Misc games. Tep turned on the radio to a dance station and so we decided to throw a dance party and we made snacks and popcorn and we danced until about 11pm. Saigo wandered up and nicely asked us to get ready for lights out and we obliged and turned it down and turned off the lights and set up a disco ball I had in my closet and we did the robot and eventually tired ourselves out. Even Sasha was tired after our little party and she went to bed in her own little cot in the center of the home. Tep took off his pants, revealing metal braces and I noticed that they looked the same as the braces for his arms; I helped him get them off so he would not fall and he laid on the air mattress in his boxers. They were white with hearts on them and I giggled at them and he stuck his tongue out as I walked out and changed into a gown with sheep all over it and Tep folded his arms as if saying, “So I'm the one who looks silly?” I brush him off and he turns the disco ball off and he laughed, “Good night Lamb.” I replied, “Night Tep.”

Author's Note

Please point out any flaws you see, I need this piece for a competition a long with for my own leisure.