Racing

Molly,
I don't know where you're going to end up based on two chapters...but I can tell you this....you definitely have a knack for story telling...You mad it interesting, descriptive, and for the time being anyway, a tale I might like to follow. There are many things (grammar, syntax, and structure) that need work....but that shouldn't stop you at all. Your colorful imagery lets me know exactly who the characters are and makes me care about them.
Continue to write and edit as you go along.
Look at other writes to see how they handle dialogue and .....I almost hate to say this....but rewrite sentences that end in prepositions. Ex teacher talking now.
All in all a superb start, Molly
allen

Posted 12 Years Ago

I will get to this asap. I promise. I've just been kinda busy lately.

Posted 12 Years Ago

You explained it in the Author's Note, but I'm dying for more, if your'e not too busy to write it. This piece was amazing and I loved it. I, being a piano player, find that if I was in this circumstance I would be lucky to have entered a school like this. But like you said in the note, it wasn't an ideal school where anyone would go to. Hopefully you can continue and sorry I didnt get to this sooner...I had lots to finish XD

Posted 12 Years Ago

You got my attention and I need to read more. I like the storyline and the character. I like the feel of real world in the words. Your description took me to the place where she has nothing but some hope left. The ending open the door to a different life for the young girl. I hope to read more of this excellent and interesting story.
Coyote

Posted 12 Years Ago

Like how it starts on a bursting bubble, and back to reality, it made me think of Hans Christian Anderson for some reason. Enjoyed the way you threw in the titles of the music, especially Fur Elise! The street singing called to mind 'Edith Piaf'. The thing I liked most about this story was the way it showed how homeless people are actually sometimes also very cultured! The last bit was great about the high ceiling changing the acoustics. I hope you write more. This was a cheering...triumph over tragedy write. I am sure it will be very popular. It was certainly my cup of tea. Thankyou.

Posted 12 Years Ago

Amazing...I'm at a loss for words. Your descrption is...terrific. It's very girly in the beginning, but with the little note you left It'll draw the attention of tomboys. It would make a wonderful book and would without a doubt get published (if thats what you want.)

Posted 12 Years Ago

Oh, wow. That's amazing. i love it, would really like to read more of this. i'm excited to see how this turns out! it's great, you explain everything really clearly. i can see every little detail you describe in amazing clarity thanks to your great skills.

Posted 12 Years Ago

I enjoyed it. Pretty descriptive. I'm not in any position to tell anyone how to write stories, as I am brand new at it myself, but imho I thought it was very good!

Posted 12 Years Ago

hmm, ok, so this is going to be a longer story. As such, i would think you should put it into the book format, even if it ends up as more of a novella. The start is interesting, though perhaps a little rushed. Perhaps that's because you started it with the idea of a short story. Also, your author's note seems like the synopsis for the start of the story. Perhaps that should be used as your description for it if you put it in the book or novella format. The idea behind the story is solid. My one piece of advice is don't rush the story. Let it build up naturally. Don't just throw the events together too fast in an effort to get to the end of the story. As long as you know how it's going to end, take all the time you need to build up to the end. You'll appreciate it more in the end

Posted 12 Years Ago

I love to see people that have had a very hard life succeed maybe its because it sets an example for me. It proves that with hard work,determination,and faith you can truly do anything :) I love what I've read so far however, I am not quite sure what I think about how you are planning on ending it, but then again you are the writter of this story and not me.

Posted 12 Years Ago

First of all: Wow you write alot O.O I can never write that much
Secondly: I thought was really good, even though I'm not a big reader at heart, I still thought that your story was still really good, I can't wait to read the rest of it ^^

Posted 12 Years Ago