Ramshackle

Inspired whilst looking from a train - Trying to peer into the dusty, old window of a dilapidated Victorian house somewhere near Charing Cross.

 

Ramshackle

 

Still, you stand

Silent in your thoughts

A myriad of memories cascading

Down creaky stair

 

Peaceful in contemplation

Eyes seeing all

Humanity rushing, passing through

Yet who sees you?

 

Peer through forgotten panes

Replay the past

Your existence in slow motion

No way to pause

 

Cadence of conversations

Once rang out

Walls now resound with memories

Echoes of distant dreams

 

How many called you ‘home’?

Welcomed them in

Just to watch their colours fade

To be left alone again

 

Now you stand

Mournful in disrepair

A thousand thoughts of lifetimes

Decaying with your mortar

Reviews

[Constance L. Hartwell]

a well written piece. loved the descriptive words; it gave me a chance to use my imagination. good job.

[Samuel Dickens]

Yes, if old, old buildings could talk, wouldn't they have some stories to tell? And are they really empty? A nice poem, Maleficent, that stirs the imagination.

[Lee W. Deason]

I like it very much. What great coloration of details of the house and its disposition.
I like your style and diction also.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I could feel the decay and the entropy in this piece. Strongly written with great emotional appeal. A great sense of nostalgia blankets the entirety of the poem. Good write.

[Touché Armada]

I�d like to believe this was all about a house no longer inhabited, yet although the inspiration perhaps there seems to be too many humanistic traits and emotion attached to it for that to be entirely so.A house will always stand still unless being ravaged by a wreaking ball and will always remain silent but for faint whispering ghosts. Yet that is very much human behavior also, still and silent.The myriad of memories may cascade down a staircase, and in the mind it�s a spiral staircase and memories can cascade downward almost indefinitely I believe� The first stanza alone seems like a very human house.Granted houses usually maintain a �feeling� about them even when no longer inhabited, however they never contemplate I�m sure.This whole write has an observed sadness attached to it� Panes- painsSomehow you made this even more bleak and sad because you voided the only color which was only a mention of previous color in any case and you say it fades,,,,, but you miss spelled it, which I cant help thinking may have been intentional, thus voiding it further. The last two lines finish off like a suicide pill really there is no saving any house once the mortar turns to powder. You turned this house into a breathing animated entity and made me feel the grief one would feel for it had it ever been a home. Damn this was a clever and powerfully sad write.

[Chloe..Across the Unive..]

Very good and your structure is perfect..The Victorian house sure inspired a lovely poem..

Chloe
xoxo

[Helen Woodward]

It really is like that when you look at old unused buildings, sad really, thinking about the goings on there in days gone by. Children? Happy families? The thoughts leave the observer a little richer and wondering. Your flow for this is excellent, it isn't just a slap-dash something you threw together...there's love in this piece and I encourage you to keep writing!