Broken

They said it was better this way
That it didn't hurt
They told me she was probably happy
But what about my happiness?
I was left alone, abandoned
But nobody seemed to care
Or even notice

I force a smile every day
Lie through my teeth when people ask me
"How are you?"
I say I am fine
I go home and lock myself in my room
Bury my face in a pillow
And sob
Until the pain dulls

It never goes away
I can always sense it in the back of my head
She is always there
 I am so alone
Unable to truly feel the emotions I portray
Because to feel is to hurt
And it is not worth the pain

I close off
Shut everything out, shut down
I am a machine
But my gears no longer run quite right
I go through motions
Incomplete, broken

I smile, and people assume I am coping
They don't realize it's all a lie
I have been lying for so long
Sometimes I forget myself
Forget I am a broken machine
Not fulfilling my purpose
Simply existing
Wishing I didn't

Author's Note

I wrote this because I was thinking about my mom...she died when I was seven. Even though it's been years, it still hurts sometimes.

Reviews

[Sami Khalil]

"sob
Until the pain dulls

It never goes away
I can always sense it in the back of my head
She is always there
I am so alone"

A well written poem...:)..................