One I Look Upon

You,
The one who betrothed my maker
Is it you I am too look upon? 
First off,
We've come to see
That you're not half of me
This part is buried six feet under
And forever rested shall it be 
Now to you, 
I'm just an unintelligent teen
Who forever shall be seated beneath thee
You talk so highly of your past
The wisdom you have received
Again 
I ask, 
Is it you I am too look upon?
Now, Now
Don't fret 
I will list your certain qualities 
Bashful, greedy, vile, corrupt
Drunkard, vacuous , needy 
You are
Again 
I ask,
Is it you I am too look upon?
Considering these things
You are an absurdity
I come too conclude 
Rather
Instantaneously   
That You
Are Certainly Not..
The one I am to  look upon

Reviews

[r. f. jordan]

this work has definitive intensity within voice, and emotional certainty within its tone of confidence. if it were a work of mine i were editing i would consider "Is it you I am too look upon? " and the idea of dropping the second o from "too" when i write, i always confuse them too. (too = also; to = used as a function word to indicate movement or an action). i could be way off base suggesting the switch, as i see you have it switched in the last line of the poem already. perhaps you are going with the "too" in order to draw out the same behavior the speaker is questioning whether to look upon. after all, the too could also represent the two eyes looking. either way, the repetition of the question foreshadows the poem's fitting conclusion. excellent work, and thank you for sharing your talent with us on this site.

[Coyote Poetry]

I believe you are smart. I did like this poem. Easy to be knock down. Hard to find good examples.
"I will list your certain qualities
Bashful, greedy, vile, corrupt
Drunkard, vacuous , needy "
The ending was very logical. Sometime better to have no examples then a bad one. Thank you for the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[reflectingus]

Love the flow of thoughts with energy and retrospection. The courage is really visible, and poetry is brilliant. Beautifully written.

[Khal Attero]

I can feel the rath and pain in this poem. Good stuff.

[Southern Cross]

Intense courage spoken here and a certain reality reached perhaps? My question is though ..Why do we return ? and you know we do many many times..Inspiring though fit my many moods of late