To A Thief - Chapter 28: The Abhorrent One

What kind of thoughts fill your head when you realize you don't belong here?

There's no use hiding it now. Everything is so clear to me. I really am not normal, am I? I'm some kind of... monster. A monster that this underground group wants to utilize. Why has everything become so messed up all of a sudden? Everything was great up until now. 

I made friends... I became an adventurer... I set out to do what I've always dreamed of. I was living my dream. But now this...

I've become a threat to my friends. The more this darkness takes over me, the angrier I become, the more filled I become with these terrible emotions. 

Rage... 

I feel the rage that consumes my being to the very pits. Rage that has remained dormant within me since the tragedies I experienced during the Great Crystal War. 

Arrogance...

The arrogance that I spout from my mouth... how pathetic. In the end, it's just another way for me to feel better about myself. Long have I found comfort in speaking louder than I act because in the end... I know that's the way it will always be, if not my downfall. 

Apathy...

The apathy within me that strives to be somebody, because deep down... to myself... I'm just one big nobody. I have no family... and as a monster, I deserve no friends. I don't even deserve to live. What purpose do I have in this world?

Envy...

My envy towards everyone else for having something I don't continues to linger at the back of my mind. Even if I don't show it, I know it's there. I feel it when I get rejected. I feel it when I see the children walking side by side with their parents or siblings. Why couldn't I have been born with that?

Cowardice...

I am definitely no stranger to cowardice. I fear I don't belong here anymore. I fear that these friends of mine are going to be hurt if they stay by me. I fear my own self; the darkness within me. This darkness that my weak, cowardly body calls upon when I'm in dire need of power... power that I don't have. 

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Continued in Chapter 29: Who I Am