Suivez moi (Follow me)

My attempt at writing a poem in French even though I'm still learning more of it ^-^"

Mon amour, suivez-moi
Suivez-moi dans l'obscurité
N'hésiter pas
Suivez ma voix
Sentez mon corps
Écoutez mon mensonge séduisant
Et suivez-moi
Mon amour
Dans l'obscurité
Où vous ne verrez jamais de lumière
Plus jamais ...

(My love, follow me

Follow me into the dark

Do not hesitate

Follow my voice

Feel my body

Listen to my seductive lie

And follow me

 My love

Into the dark

Where you will never see light

Never again...)

Author's Note

Thank you for helping with the translation, Shaneberry!

Reviews

[Martina]

WOW This truely tested my French reading skills (took french last year, one of the A honor roll students lol), and I could understand! It surprised me! I dont even need the english version. This is well written and very beauitful. This is worth 100 in a rating! This is so....I just love it!
=) Well done!

[topsyturvy]

Haha woahhh , first thing I thought was, please let there be an english version or something. And hey, yay there is xD And woahh for the way this poem made me feel xD Not woah like bad woah, more of, hmm bit surprised and a fascinating woahh didn't expect that one coming :P If I could "hear" this poem being read to me, the reader sort of feels like he has a deep sensual purr of a voice, that can hypnotize you, tantalize you with his words, enough to make you do anything he wants. Well, a little something to that effect :P I loved this poem, basically that's what I want to say xD

[Mizuki Tsukiakari]

At first I thought the whole thing was in French and I was like ," OMG! I DON'T UNDERSTAND!! O.O" But then I saw English and I was like "Yay!" Omg! I loved it! It was great. But I got sad when I read "Listen to my seductive lie". Good write! Loved it! ;p

[Skye Fields]

Ahhhhhhh! Amazing. Absolutely amazing. This feels so French, if that makes any sense at all. It has such a gypsy tone, such a summer night atmosphere. It completely vibrates with the power of your language. I love its simplicity. It's very readable, and very emotionally dense. I love your speaker's voice--calm and confident, the kind of person you can't NOT follow. Do more of this French-translation poetry. It works.

[Rae]

This really reminds you of a Siren Song, doesn't it? Loved it, by the way.

[Numb]

Excellent! I'm surprised I knew what I read before I read the translation. My French teacher should be proud.
Wonderfully done ^^

~N~

[ShaneBerry]

close, but it translates to
My love, am me
Am me in the black
Do not hesitate
Am my voice
You smell my body
Listenings my lie appealing
And am me
My love
In the black
If you will never see light
Never again...

what you were trying to write was

(Mon amour, suivez-moi
Suivez-moi dans l'obscurité
N'hésiter pas
Suivez ma voix
Sentez mon corps
Écoutez mon mensonge séduisant
Et suivez-moi
Mon amour
Dans l'obscurité
Où vous ne verrez jamais de lumière
Plus jamais ...)

but you got closer than i did in my two poem that were much like this, done first in french than treanslated to englesh lol but very very nice work here

[HereWithoutYou<3]

Good. Wow especially, the french part I would've never understood it. Plus french does make it seem really romantic.