Paralyzed

Listening to Comatose by Skillet and Just came to me.

I lay here,

Paralyzed.

Wishing I could say,

"Please don't worry".

Because,

You all look to me,

With worry -

And shock.

I can see through your masks.

I can see through your guards.

I can see through your eyes,

Right down to your souls.

I can see the pain you think you're in.

I can see your thoughts,

All written across your faces.

I lay here comatose.

I lay here motionless.

I lay here numb.

I lay here silently.

I lay here,

Paralyzed.

Reviews

[Marie Harrison]

I really like this poem. I've had several friends and relatives that have been in comas for a long amount of time. When they wake-up, this is what most of them describe to me. They remember people brushing their hair, people talking to them, people massaging their feet. It's a great poem, in my opinion.

[Yours Truly]

It almost gives the sense that the one laying comatose and motionless knows what is going on around him. Despite his paralysis he acknowledges his surroundings but can not object or do anything about them.

[Breezie Kae]

A lot of emotion, but personally I find this a little bit choppy.

[Amortentia03]

I really enjoyed the way the flow of this poem added to the feeling I got as a reader. The way the sentences were broken up to the point where they were almost disjointed made me feel as if I were only seeing glimpses of reality, as one trapped in a situation like this might, while the repetition drew me in to the feeling of imprisonment. The point of view was very interesting to me, as it does not only apply to someone who is medically comatose, but can also apply to emotional distance and numbness. Good job!

[Nansi London]

I liked. I liked the POV you took your poem in. It was simple and right to the emotional point. Painted a clear picture in my head of what the setting this poem invoked would be like. A depressing theme but it worked. Hey, sometimes I walk around feeling this way lol, so I get it.
London

[E. L. Foley]

Interesting rhythm; I could see this set to music.

[Linka and Lirrie]

This made me shiver, and it kind off made me sad, I love the word usage and the though you put into is excelent.

[Numb]

I love Skillet, and when you said Comatose gave you inspiration, I knew this was going to be quite a piece of work.
I loved this poem, honestly. My mother - when she was a nurse - looked after a sixteen-year-old girl who tipped a golf cart and went into a coma; a story she replays over to my sister and I a whole bunch.
I don't see how something this... Oh dang it, what's the word? I lost it T.T But this was such a great piece, and I'm a glad you just happened to have that pen and paper sitting next to you. *cough*Fate*cough* [;

~N~

[Rose Tyler]

Thank you, all of you! I love reading your wonder reviews and taking in the comments on my writing. Really, this was written out of sheer boredom while at the park with my friend and her boyfriend. I happened to have a pen and paper with me so I just started writing!

[Larry Dyson]

having been a geriatric nurse I agree with Maries evaluation...what is remembered is the kindness shown...good poem and good points made ..ty

[NoAirToBreatheXSuffocat..]

I love the flow and the message of this poem, great job!