A Voice that cuts itself

Okay this time promise me not to do too much
And to that he says
Okay I promise I know you're going out of your way to set me up with a good friend of yours and I won't make you look bad
And now three strangers who deem themselves friends sit at a table and three glasses of beer rest before them two of which are still full whereas the third one is almost empty but he knows he said that this time he wouldn't drink too much so he empties his glass and pours his liquid soul into it and then thinks about something to say but the words only dance upon his lips without ever leaving their resting spot, so okay he says to himself this is easy I just need one more drink.

An hour later he is still drinking and it is hard to tell if his soul is itself the liquid or if it has been trapped inside the glass for his behavior is now controlled not by him but by the alcohol and the alcohol (or maybe his mind for he can tell the difference no longer) says drink it drink more and tell them who you truly are and invade their comfort zone and make them pity you because you are nothing without their pity. And then the voice of alcohol goes on to say that every bone will be crushed beneath the weights you have created if you do not tell them about wounds that do not exist and if you do not give them a sob story you will not make it to the next day you at least have to get a hug out of one of them. There we go, good job, keep the glasses coming and coming and coming until you can't properly spell anymore until you know that for the next two days you will have a raw taste in your mouth and a headache that in front of your friend you will refuse to admit to and, once you know you are at that point stop and start crying and say things to make them uncomfortable.
Tell them what a sad little creature you are and how easily you can beat yourself to death for reasons that will never be known and how ungrateful you can be of things that others are grateful for and how your mind never stops thinking thoughts of nothingness and lust. And when these people have felt their bubble invaded by a stranger like you they will know that they won't want anything to do with someone as narcissists as you someone who puts his problems ahead of others even subconsciously and someone who creates problems where there are none and has now gotten into the habit of self-loathing for to him that seems to be the only natural way to live.

Up until this point I can say that you have made no mistakes but where you did make a mistake was when you began to tell yourself all the same sob stories when no one else was around.
What did you do when no one was there to pity you?
What did you do when no one was there to pick you up after your threw yourself down?
What did you do when your cynicism brought the world around you to an end?

You did nothing and simply forgot how to live.