Grain of Salt

A grain of light tinted her eyes

as the salt reflected from her smile

nothing else could black and blue her face

The thought of her feeling so tired

could never replace the thought of her being so hurt

Down below the world is so cold

Up above the world is so forgiving

A grain of light thought to touch her face

but the thought of the light touching her face

only bought her to face the past

bring her in a fatal path of love

To see her lose her heart

Becomes a choice that streams down her face

Pondering once again the choices that echo in her head

Could she ever love again?

Setting aside to dance in the question

thinking over in the middle of the night

the thought of taking a change

corresponds with the grain of light that reflects off her face

Reviews

[Bennett Logan]

The first stanza has a very subterranean feel – dark, cold, salty, still, organic, gritty, and it feels like time has slowed to a crawl. I get the idea of the past becoming realized, getting illuminated by tiny rays of light from the surface. It's so dark, yet still so hopeful.

The second through fourth stanzas, however, are fiery, passionate, and filled with questions. The hope amid uncertainty from the first stanza is still there, but the contrast in tone is sudden and immediate. I, personally, would have liked to see the tone and language of the first stanza find its way throughout the rest of the poem to its own conclusion, but I still very much like what you've done here. Your writing is fluid and lead me quickly from beginning to end. Good stuff here, Anna.

[JRB]

nice write ejoyed the read

[Sarah]

This is a very beautiful, ethereal poem. I like the idea of looking up to see the light, the light being a world that is calm, peaceful, and forgiving, and yet you are trapped in the night. Very powerful. I also liked the use of third person here, good job!

[Spoken]

great starting stanza. loved your flow and word choices.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

I have missed your writing... you really open yourself up here to expose your vulnerability which is good cause others will relate and know they are not alone. When we lose a love we seem to lose ourself in the process. Leading us to wonder if we will find something so rare again.

[Beautifully Tragic xPoe..]

I felt a little lost in this because you switched grain and gain throughout the write. But regardless of the minor errors, I thought this was a great heartfelt piece. Great Write.

[Dream Weaver]

I see you have gain and grain of light, not sure which one you meant.
Anyway besides all that, I really feel the depth in this write and could
she ever love again? Only time will tell..Nicely done..