Do I understand?

The things that are holding me back from being okay. A journal of my thoughts and letters to you, the one who left before i expected.

You looked at me weird yesterday and I had no idea why. I noticed it the moment you did it but I knew as soon as I asked you why you were looking at me like that, like you regretted me, like you were embarrassed to be seen with me. You would tell me I was being over dramatic like you always did and that you loved me.

This morning I woke up to a paragraph from you and I expected it to be sweet like always.

You said you´re leaving me.

You said you haven´t loved me in a while.

You said maybe you never even loved me.

You told me I was toxic.

You told me that you were in love with someone else.

You broke my heart.

I tried sleeping last night.

I woke up hourly with panic attacks.

Why´d you leave me so soon?

What about the things you promised?

I´m sorry I was never enough and I´m sorry for not understanding why you had to leave me so soon.

I understand why after saying you have commitment issues and talking to me for 6 months you date her after only two weeks.

I understand that she is more beautiful than me even though you always said I was the most beautiful girl in the world.

I understand.

But do I really?

Author's Note

This is just some personal stuff I´m going through right now so its probably really bad. I´m sorry.