Part 1: Abnormalities. The Beginning of a Dilemma

Moonlight glinted off the silver plain of water like dew on a frosty, autumnal morning. The water rippled rhythmically, as if breathing. One ray of moonlight reflected off Lysanda's snowy curls. Her head bobbed up and down as she walked, along the uneven path that separated the two famous dykes. She glanced up at the moon, blank eyes seeing only the night sky. The footsteps echoed like clear bells as she slowed down. Lysanda drew to a stop and sat down, wind whistling through her hair. Here in her safe place, discrimination did not exist. She was just as equal as the normals. She wasn't a grotesque. Lysanda sighed and leaned back.

Lysanda bolted upright. She'd been having these dreams for some time and they where always the same. She was always walking towards the moon. Lysanda pushed back her hair and let out a sigh. Glancing to her left, she spotted that Hermida and Apollinia where still asleep. They where fellow grotesques. The rich lords and ladies, normals of course, found some sick entertainment in having grotesques as servants. Instead of leaving the poor people alone, they bought and sold them; cheap working labour that looked strange. They didn't bother to find a cause for the grotesques. 

"Wake up you miserable lot." The housekeeper shouted from the dormitory door. She never dared come closer. Murmurs spread among the sleepy servants.

"Lysie!" Hermida and Apollinia chorused. "You look a bit frightened." Hermida continued. Lysanda laughed nervously before clambering off the straw mattress. 

"We'd best hurry up, or we'll get a shocking." Apollinia hissed quickly.

"We weren't dallying." Hermida snapped back, reaching for her black dress.

Fifteen minutes later, the three where busy lighting fires. The trick was to hold the bucket of coal by the sides and not the handle, otherwise you'd make a great deal of clanking and wake up the masters and mistresses. Lysanda pushed open the servant's entrance and slid into the bedroom gracefully. She knelt down and began to griddle the ash. Unfortunately, the handle was stiff and produced a large groan when turned. The normal jumped at the noise and turned to glare at her.

Lysanda knew this boy, he was Finnian, the masters son. Her eyes widened in horror, she was gonna get shocked for sure.

"I think I'd rather punish you myself." he muttered. "But you're pretty for a grotesque, so I'll make sure you don't get fired; only I'll make your life hell."

He grabbed Lysanda's hair and slammed her head into the wall a couple of times, until her silence made him stop.

"Now light the fire like a good little grotesque, and put extra coal on, I'm cold." Finnian snapped, returning to his bed. Lysanda complied and hurried out, returning to the grotesque's kitchen. When she got in, she noticed it was quieter than normal.

"Lysie. Over here. Read this." Hermida called, beckoning to Lysanda. Apollinia held a newspaper in her hand, one that had a front cover all about grotesques.

"There's been a revolution in the northern provinces. Grotesques are claiming equality and slaughtering all who get in their way." Apollinia stated. The big crowd of servants gathered round, trying to catch a glimpse of the article. 

"Maybe the revolution will come down here too." Hermida muttered. 

"Maybe we should start one!" someone hollered.

"Well, let's let Lysanda decide. She's obviously the smartest of us all." Apollinia replied.

"I'm not very sure, let me think about it and I'll tell you all this evening before bed time." Lysanda rushed. This was a big dilemma, a big thinker.

There was a loud cheer from the group, but this drew the attention of the Housekeeper.

"Get back to work, you loathsome runts!" the housekeeper bellowed, and the crowd of grotesques dispersed.

Author's Note

Pronunciation:
Lysanda = Lis-anda Hermida = Her-mee-duh Apollinia = A-poll-i-knee-yuh

Reviews

[cbritto6]

It has a fairy tale kind of feel to it, like how you introduce odd elements casually such as "grotesques" as slaves. I agree with Sean, if the scene with Finnian was a little later it would have had more impact. I like it!

[Sean Cairns]

I'd be interested to read on for two main reasons: first, I'd like to know where you're going to go with Lysanda's dreams, but also to work out the context and how this world works with the whole normal/grotesque divide. If I could give any advice, I'd say maybe pace it more slowly; the incident with Finnian would have had much more impact if it was drawn out or maybe left until a while later. Other than that, nice job!

[Maddi]

Thanks for the review. I kind of struggle to write in stories instead of poems so all constructive feedback is much appreciated. If you could give me some tips on pacing my story, I'd appreciate it very much.

[Sean Cairns]

Just include a few mundane details. JRR Tolkien wrote some of the greatest stories in history, and he gives a life story on 'every f*****g tree branch', according to George RR Martin (or Epic Rap Battles). You just have to find the right amount of rambling to build enough suspense. It's something you have to pay a lot of attention to to figure out, whether you're reading a book or watching tv.

[Maddi]

I hope my second chapter is better paced. Do tell me I it's too fast.

[Sean Cairns]

Don't worry, life is all about improving, right?

[JackieB]

This sounds very promising. I look forward to reading more