You Abandoned us

You abandoned us

When the night had awaken from its slumber.

When morning had kissed it goodbye.

When the teeth of a cold July morning,

Were deeply sunk in our heavily blanketed skins.

When our bodies were shaking from frost bite.

 

You abandoned us at day break

When darkness was taking a break.

When the Sun was yawning out of bed,

Stretching itself across the skies.

When the rooster was blowing his vuvuzela,

Heralding the dawn of a new day.

 

You abandoned us,

As we were tormenting

The insides of our brains with creativity.

As we were stretching our callous imaginations

Like the limbs of a contortionist

As we were creating chaos on paper

With a storm of ingenuity,

You abandoned us.

Reviews

[Wintershade]

I am still learning how the rating system works here, so forgive me...
It is a powerfully expressive poem that creates a tangible sensation of pain and loss. It is very well written, although the specifics are elusive. If that is intended, it makes the work quite mysterious; if not, you might want to define the central topic a bit more clearly.
I very much like the 'tone' of your writing. I look forward to reading more.

[MadalaJose]

Thank you. You are actually right, i would have properly defined the topic. Well, I wrote it for my creative writing instructor who did not show up for a class. Thank you, you are helping me become a better poet.

[Leo]

I like your demonstrated usage of figurative language and creativity. You bring nice examples of mere human sufferings amidst the bigger picture of nature taking its course. "When the night had awaken from its slumber..When morning had kissed it goodbye..As we were stretching our callous imaginations..
Like the limbs of a contortionist" are wonderful examples of metaphor and artistry which only shows your grand imagination.

[MadalaJose]

thank you for the review

[Paavana Varma]

The way in which you carry the entire poem is wonderful.The whole poem has got a wonderful tune to it. Loved it :)

[MadalaJose]

thank you, appreciate.