[untitled]

 

-Chapter 1-

 

I felt it.

It was a feeling of utter helplessness, but I took comfort in knowing that I would never have to feel it- or anything at all- ever again. I didn’t fear death, so at the moment I was staring it right in the face, all I could do was embrace it.

I felt death.

            I stared into my mother’s loving, sorrowful eyes. I promised myself I wouldn’t- it would only make matters worse. I didn’t want to remember her that way. But I couldn’t help myself. Her warm hand touched my cheek so gently, as if my skin was made of glass, and she would break it if she wasn’t gentle enough. I smiled and took a deep breath. It hurt my insides with a pain that- again- I was glad I would never have to feel again. I don’t know how I could have been so 100% sure that at that moment, I was dying, but something inside me was giving up. After having a car door fly 5 feet in the air, land on you, and break every rib in your body, you can be pretty sure you’re going to die when the doctors say, “The surgery didn’t go as planned”.

            “I love you, Mariah. I love you baby.” My mom whispered over and over. I was too weak to say anything back. So I gripped her hand as tightly as I could, and the last two syllables I would ever speak snuck through my lips- “Good-bye.”

 

-Chapter 2-

            The feeling after that was indescribable. I felt like I was flying- completely weightless. There was darkness all around me, and I had the feeling that I was meant to be searching for something.

            “Open your eyes, Mariah Black.” said a very odd voice. It sounded more in my head than spoken from someone. I opened my eyes, and the weightless feeling disappeared. I found myself in a very strange, bright white room. I looked all around me for the source of the voice, but there was nothing but, well, nothing. The room was small and box-like with no windows or doors. Suddenly, a dark figure appeared on the white wall in front of me. “Hello Mariah Black.” said the same voice, who, now was coming from the dark shadow on the wall. “I am dead.” I said quietly. “Indeed, you are. This is where you’ll be spending all of your time until you are united with…him.” said the shadow. “Who are you?” I asked, moving toward the wall. “Anything you want me to be. I am God, or Buddha, or Ra, or the Dao, or-“

            “I get it.” I said, forcefully. “What am I doing here?”

“You are in charge of this boy.” he said, as the shadow disappeared, and the image of a new born baby boy being held by his mother in a hospital bed flashed onto the screen. “I don’t understand.” I said.

“You don’t have to understand. You will learn in time. Once this boy is about a year…maybe two years old, you will make his decisions for him. You are the voice inside his head- the one you call ‘conscience’.”

“But…” I began. “You do ask a lot of questions.” said the voice again. “I can assure you; it will all come to you in time.”

“I still don’t understand!” I yelled at it again. “You don’t have to.” the voice said, before it was gone. I frantically looked around the room again. “HELLO!?” I screamed. “Come back here! I don’t know what to do…I’m dead. I’m dead. I died. Oh my gosh, my poor family. And my friends…”I went on. “He-looo!?” I screamed again. Was I insane? Had I completely lost my mind? The baby on the screen started crying, and I jumped. “Shh…shh it’s okay Emerson. Mommy’s here.” said the woman rocking the baby softly. “Oh Cecilia, he’s beautiful!” said the woman standing next to her. “What the…” I said as I continued watching the screen. “He really is something, Lia.” said who I thought to be the father, as he stroked Cecilia’s sweaty, long blonde hair. He leaned over and lightly kissed the top of the now sleeping baby’s head. All I could think was, I really wanted someone to explain to me exactly what was going on. I pulled my shoulder length dark brunette hair back into a pony-tail, and sat down on the floor, Indian-style. “You will make his decisions for him. You are the voice inside his head. The one you call ‘conscience’.” the shadow’s words played over in my head. “Start crying.” I tried to command the baby. Nothing happened. I sighed. I started to think about my family, and all the people I ever knew. I wondered what they were doing. I knew my mom was still crying, although she’d never seemed so fond of me. I wasn’t everything she wanted me to be- I wasn’t perfect. She wanted a pink-loving, frosting filled princess for a daughter. Instead she got a motor-cycle loving, adrenaline filled, almost daughter. Most of the time, I pretended she wasn’t even there. She was basically the reason I died- speeding on the highway at rush hour. Yet, when she told me she loved me right before I died, I believed her whole-heartedly. As I began to cry, so did baby Emerson.

 

-Chapter 3-

 

Emerson’s first two years were definatly a learning process for the both of us. I really thought about what the Shadow had told me before he disappeared, seemingly never to return again. I controlled Emerson’s sense of right from wrong, and his unconscious mind. That meant- for a 2 year old- what to eat, what not to eat, what to touch, what not to touch, what to drool on, and so forth. The Shadow came back to visit on Emerson’s 5^th birthday.

“You have been doing a satisfactory job, Mariah Black.” said the Shadow in his extremely deep tone. “Well…thank you.” I said. “Now that the boy is becoming more…coherent, you will need to keep up, and pay attention.”

“Are you suggesting that I haven’t been paying attention?” I asked, offended. “No, no. Not at all. You’ve been doing a fine job.” said the Shadow, doubtlessly. I nodded with approvement. “Well then, what is the point of your visit?” I asked. “I came because I believe I have further explaining to do.” he said. “Finally. I’ve been waiting for some answers.” I said rudely. “It is your duty to make sure that Emerson Rudolf has the most appealing life that you can possibly give him. You control his decisions, and you should make sure that they are all good ones.” he explained. “Why me?” I asked. “I mean…what’s so special about this Emerson kid?”

“We all have one. You are his fate, and he is yours.” the Shadow said, expecting me to understand. “Are you saying that this kid controlled me? My thoughts? My life?” I asked. “If you fail your duty,” the Shadow continued, ignoring my questions, “Emerson Rudolf will lose something.”

“Lose something? Like…what? His toy trains?” I asked, watching Emerson excitedly unwrap a present covered in astronaut wrapping paper. “No, no,” the Shadow chuckled, “Something much more important-his personality.”

“So…he would just be…an empty body? A shell with nothing in it?” I thought aloud. “Precisely.” he answered. I paused for a moment, the questions I had kept inside coming back to me. “What happens when this is all over? When he dies?” I asked. “I suppose we will just have to find out.” the Shadow said. I could hear the smile in his tone, and I frowned. “What’s it to me if he has no personality?” I asked. “Well…I would have to take away yours too, I suppose.” he said. I shuddered at the thought of me, a vegetable, sitting in a corner, never laughing, or smiling, or talking ever again. “I understand now.” I said quietly.

“I will check up on you again, in another decade or so.” said the Shadow. “I’ll be here.” I confirmed. “Look mommy! It’s a dinosaur!” said little Emerson on the screen. He held a giant stuffed dinosaur above his head for Cecilia to see. “Oh my gosh! It’s so cool!” she said, smiling, with an over-enthusiastic tone. Emerson smiled, with love for his mother shining in his eyes. “That’s all the presents.” I said. “There’s no more presents!” Emerson said, just as I had expected. “Birthday cake.” I said. “CAKE TIME!” Emerson screamed. I smiled with satisfaction. I had this life-controlling thing totally under control. I figured out that all I needed to do was say two or three words to get on his mind, and then he did what I said. For example, when he was two years old, his mom told him to say “puppy” and all I did was focus on him. I said “puppy” and BAM- Emerson’s first word was puppy.

He was a cool little kid. He had really pale skin from his mom, really dark brown hair from his dad, and sparkling green eyes, which, I had no idea where they came from. Neither did his parents. His eyes glistened like gems- I couldn’t believe it.

Those eyes sparkled with gratification when Cecilia pushed a big plate of chocolate cake in front of Emerson’s face. “Dig in.” I said. He shoveled a handful of cake into his mouth, getting it all over his face. Me, and all of Emerson’s 5 year old friends, laughed hysterically. “Emerson Robert Rudolf, you know better than that!” Cecilia scolded him. “Giggle.” I said. He looked down at the table and giggled loudly. Cecilia cracked a smile, and wiped the chocolate off his face with a wet napkin.

 

Author's Note

Forget what I wrote about "sense of right from wrong". Its really just his general actions.