Two Worlds

Simple musings...

My

    world

             has fallen again

This

      girl

            has sold her hopes to sin

She doesn't think she can win

she's on the brink of a decision

between

foolishness                      wisdom.

                      and

 

 

 

Tattered sheets hide my weakest need

Cold comforts stitched into greed

like a blanket of

             wondering love.

 

 

My world

               is an empty white-stained room

lacking the colour of you.

Her world

               is a tear-stained photograph

captured by the light of her laugh

     just a memory.

Our world

              is a hope filled romance

a wishful waltz, a dance

     between you and me.

 

 

Author's Note

Just some random musings, typed as I think of them...

Reviews

[NANCY MCCORMACK]

enjoy the descriptions here very much

[Hester Vane]

Quite poignant random musings, i must say. Excellent stuff. Loving the formatting throughout.

[MachinaWriter]

Thanks ^^ I have fun playing around with the format and things, as always lol

[eglantine]

I'd keep "My / world " on the same line, adds emphasis to the falling bit. Same with "This / girl" Thanks for sharing

[kublakhan27]

I would not have pegged this for a group of random thoughts...it tells a very concise story...I think you were writing a poem but didn't realize it haha

[MachinaWriter]

You have no idea how often that happens lol I'd love to say that I craft my poetry carefully and with skill, but in truth, I think there's a poet living inside of me, rather than me being the poet lol When I'm not paying attention is when he takes over lol

[kublakhan27]

lol Nothing wrong with that...I think it's the other way around with me...I've been told I'm a natural, which I obviously appreciate, but I've been doing it for about fifteen years now and I still spend long periods of time just gawking at blank pages before anything comes out...I'm hardly a natural haha

[MachinaWriter]

lol I've been writing poetry for what? Four months now? Something like that. Whenever I joined this site, which I think was four months ago.

[kublakhan27]

Wow that's incredible to be where you are after only a few months of writing, it really is lol

[Southern Cross]

I like the structure. It reads like a story within a poem. The pauses, the spaces all add to the mood as if you are reading it..thoughts aloud. My favorite stanza is the last it really pulls it together.

[MachinaWriter]

I think around the last stanza I figured out what I was talking about. The first part, in its structure, represented the disjointed state of my thoughts as I began writing it. But as well, it also represented the disjointed state of the two characters' minds. In the end, it tied together, just as their lives and stories became tied together. So, it worked. The best part? I didn't intend any of that haha Though, I'll pretend it was all done on purpose lol

[Southern Cross]

Take my hand, my poet..I shall lead you LOL..

[MachinaWriter]

haha lol I actually laughed at that lol I needed a good laugh today, thank you

[Southern Cross]

Always my pleasure :)

[Dennis A. Clark]

For me, you hit your stride in the second half (beginning with "My world / is an empty white-stained room"). I'd like to see a revision in which you begin the poem with those lines.

[MachinaWriter]

I agree, absolutely. I'll probably take this thing apart and use what I find the most useful for a new rendition in the near future. Thanks for the honest review and for taking the time to comment, I truly appreciate it. I'd love to get your thoughts on another poem of mine, titled "Painted Skies", if you ever get the chance. Either way, thanks for sharing your input ^^

[Enid Blake]

Yeah, I NEVER type and send so well done ;)
I liked that middle stanza.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Trying to get back into my stride again, after being away from writing for so long. Holidays killed me creatively lol I figured the best way to get back into it was to just write and NOT think haha

[KAOlmsted]

Nicely done. I spend most of my time editing *laugh* I couldn't imagine just typing and sending. This is really good, though. Thanks so much for sharing it.

[MachinaWriter]

Thanks a ton ^^ I was like...who is this person commenting? You changed your pic, I didn't even look at the name lol Too much reading required haha Horrible, considering I'm a writer and I'm still too lazy just to read a name haha

[KAOlmsted]

Ha! Now that is funny.

[Sirius King]

two worlds colliding to make one...good stuff!

[MachinaWriter]

Thanks, bro. I was reading over this, because I kind of wrote it as I thought of it and had no clue what I did lol

[Sirius King]

lol i do the same thing...it came out good tho

[C.C. Marx]

Interesting structure to the poem, are you trying to confuse my flu-ridden mind?!?!? just kidding enjoyed it as always

[MachinaWriter]

haha everyone seems to have the flu now lol Just messing around with stuff. You know me, I like mixing it up whenever I get the chance haha