White-stained Walls

A poem...

Her low shoulders sigh,

        softly, swiftly, seeking the eyes

of my lips.

From which come a cry

        desperate, dying from the whisper

of my fingertips.

 

And with her plea I see,

       -the shadows in-between

my silver, silent dreams.

Cast upon by lights

              Against white-stained walls.

 

Silhouettes

     Against a background

I still have yet,

                  -to clean from the sound

of your whisper.

 

Stained with white.

White lies,

     against white, blank minds.

Uncoloured from the ever faint,

                                yet fierce unspoken fights

       we leave behind.

 

Her lips pout about,

    the last bout

                   of angry SHOUTS.

But her eyes,

                       they smile.

Aware that it has been a while,

       since we’ve added colour

        to these talks, coloured white.

Our vicious, vibrant, voices of shouted truth,

        splashing crimson spoken paint,

                     with our angry calls,

                   against our emotionally refrained,

                white-stained walls.

Author's Note

Messing around with this new style. This poem, to me, was about how we tend to colour our lives with white lies and fear. Fear of hurting others, of always keeping our feelings hidden. So that if we were to let it out, whether through arguments or passion, it would be good just for the colour it would finally add to our lives. At least, that's what this is to me. It could be something different for you ^^ I really want to get some solid criticism on this piece. I'm trying to improve and become a better poet. So if you like it, cite specifics and why's. If you think it can be improved, let me know how. I'm trying to be less clear cut in my writing, or at least, in this piece. Not always. Just experimenting. ^^

Reviews

[Southern Cross]

I don't see a need for improvement..all that I have read is endearing , heartfelt and of quality. You have used metaphors and imagery that open the mind to visions and have done this very successfully

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you. Like I said, its a new style for me. I tend to be harsh, to the point, clear cut in my analogies and poetic style. It works for me, because I tend to have a lot of anger or sorrow in my poems, and that style worked. But I've been wanting to broaden my brush, so to speak lol

[Southern Cross]

I always write as though my heart and soul are dictating and my fingers only the vessel in which to type the emotions..I also try to experiment in chosing different themes but somehow always come back to love..*sigh* Hopelessly romantic dreamer I am and not ashamed to admit it

[MachinaWriter]

I am the same. I tend to write about either love or sorrow, my past or the future I'm trying to achieve. Many times, i just let my hands type and don't look at what happens until I lift my fingers from the keyboard lol My poem Liberty and Treachery was a lot like that. It was just a big freestyle lol

[Kelsey]

I love it. Your choice of words once again has blown me away, and the setup is lovely. I feel you've done everything right with this style, and I'd love to see more of this type of work from you. I'm definitely enjoying your experiments. x

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^-^ Was there anything specific about it you enjoyed? Like I said, I'm trying to build and get better.

[RachelReaper]

every line was its own unique piece of art, and if someone were to ask me my favorite line I would say, "All of them". This is my favorite poem by you, every word fit together perfectly and every line came together into an effortless to read poem that makes me wish I could write like that. Seriously... blown away right now.

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^ I'm glad you liked it. I've been experimenting a lot lately with new styles and stuff. Silent Secret Seas and Precipice of Revelation are two other poems I wrote with this intent to experiment in mind. Its definitely been fun trying new things. ^-^

[RachelReaper]

:) I agree.

[MissEpic2902]

This is amazing!!! Great job!!!

[MachinaWriter]

Thank you ^^ I'm experimenting a lot and trying new things, so good constructive criticism is welcome. Trying to improve and broaden my skillset ^^

[MissEpic2902]

:) your very welcome!